Being a mother is tough, that is why we should celebrate them in a big way

Here is to hoping that tomorrow, I will get something more than "Happy Mothers’ Day darling, we appreciate you".

That I do not get any gifts on Mothers’ Day is a self-inflicted problem.

Often, I have loudly expressed my displeasure at the hullabaloo just before occasions like Valentine’s Day and, of course, Mothers’ Day.

They amount, in my view, to nothing more than shopkeepers working hard to shift old stock.

Perhaps I should start adding 'I don’t mind chocolates and diamond rings, though'.

'OLD' GENERATION
But how amazing is it to be a mother? My big girl is closer to 10 years old than not, but I still find being a mother surreal.

Me, lifetime member of team tomboy, lifetime member of ‘being an adult is overrated club’, a mother.

Not that I get drunk on the streets or taunt random strangers, but I find it too much when people expect me to ‘grow up’ as I bring up other responsible adults.

But I do want to be a great mom.

I have a great mom, but I come from a generation where our parents did not talk to us much about anything including sex.

FAMILY TIME

We discovered sexual matters through misinformed sources, we often ended up making unimaginable mistakes.

I have a dream, that our generation can spend more fun time with our children, that our generation can be more candid with our children.

My friend Amakove, one of the most energetic people I have ever met, makes me believe that it is possible to change things.

She is a mother of four children under 10; a nine year-old boy and seven year-old triplets.  

For someone like me who is more often than not a stay-at-home mother, I find myself fascinated by Amakove because she is a high flier who seems to manage to spend as much time with her children as I do. How does she do it?

“No one can train you or prepare you for the roller coaster that comes with having children.

"The triplets were born premature and I would say that was the hardest time of my life, it moulded me into the mother I am today.

" I have learned so much from them; I look at the glass as half full, I am less controlling and I let them be individuals.

"I try to engage them rather than be the bossy mom. They are an independent lot; they wash, dress themselves and make their own beds.

"Am I a good mom? I would like to think so, but you better ask my children.”

BEING OPEN AND HONEST
Even though she does say so herself, Amakove sees herself as a fun mom.

“Weekends we often do one or two physical activities, like going for walks, swimming or cycling. We visit nature sites, museums and go for plays.

"We also talk a lot in our house, about everything, including sex, body image, religion et cetera. I answer their questions as candidly as I can and, hopefully, this will make them comfortable in coming to me with even the most uncomfortable questions.

"From a very young age, they knew where babies come from.”

How awesome is that?

UNHAPPY MARRIAGE
Back to me. I am a last born, and even though I am in my 40s, I find it near impossible to stop being a child of my mother.

Truth be told, my mother will not let me be totally grown up, she still derives pleasure in babying me.

I have a similar friend. I shall call her Mary. She is a mother of two, living with a man she does not care much about.

“When you are in an unhappy marriage, you want someone who will not judge you and my mother is that person.

"I stay in my marriage because I would not be able to afford my children the lifestyle they are used to if I walked away. Besides, their father loves them very much.”

MOTHER'S LOVE
Her mother is her best friend, her rock and the shoulder she cries on.

“She, like me, was in an unhappy marriage, but she only told us about it after dad passed on. Like me, she stayed on because of the children — it is a vicious cycle.

"She has often told me that if I wanted to leave my marriage, she would support me. She has also told me that if I choose to stay, she would support me as well.

"Who else would do that but a mother? Without my mother, I would be nothing but a shell with no energy. I often pray that I can be half the mother my mother is to me.”

Happy Mothers’ Day in advance, as I cross my fingers hoping to get a diamond ring, or something.

Kimani-Mwaniki is a blogger and author of Nairobi Cocktail, a novel. [email protected]