Only lazy parents raise children on Facebook

Social media is so annoying. The most frustrating are those parents who take it upon themselves to share a detailed account of their children’s lives.

I don’t understand why people make such a big deal of the fact that they are parents; so much that they think that the whole world cares about it.

I mean, becoming a father or a mother is the easiest thing in the world. I don’t need to go there.

So, why do some men make a Facebook gala out of being first time fathers while all they are celebrating is just a simple secretion that landed on fertile ground, complete with a round of climactic feeling?

We all have that one friend on Facebook who is ever posting pictures of their children and their Facebook statuses are all about them. Their tweets are all about their adorable sons and their Instagram photos are all about their children’s birthdays and swimming galas.

What is it with these modern-day, social media parents that makes them think that parenting is done on social media?

“Oooh…my son was playing with my phone and accidentally called my boss. How cute!”

“Ooooh, my little man just uttered his first word! And it was ‘mama’! I am so proud! #MummyTweet”

“Oooh, the joys of being a mother! #ILoveBeingAMom #MotherhoodRocks”

“My baby is sick. Pray for him.”

“My little girl came first in her class! She’s got her mother’s genes!#ProudMom #Winning!”

Nobody really cares that your son fell off the couch. In fact, we don’t care if you gave birth and whether you love being a mother or father. We all know, even those of us who have never given birth, that parenting is not easy, so you are not exactly telling us anything new.

All children are cute. All children sing. Well, most don’t sing very well, but we love them anyway. All children can recite poetry and Bible verses pretty well. Isn’t that what they are taught in school?

All children can paint pictures of the sun, moon and the earth. Yours may be untalented in painting- judging from the pictures I have seen on Facebook, but who is judging?

All children say funny things and do even funnier things. All children act in school plays. All little girls look adorable in pink and purple as little boys look suave in blue jeans.

All children become number one in nursery school; all they have to do is use their crayons and ensure they colour within the boundaries, right?

Did you know that all children have birthdays too? So birthdays are not exactly breaking news; you don’t have to give us updates.

All children have dreams. So what if yours wants to become a pilot? I wanted to be a president when I was four years old, and look where I am today! So please, don’t start your Facebook updates with “My children’s dreams are valid. My son just told me he wants to be a doctor.”

We all know that with genes that make you post aimless photos on Facebook, chances of your child becoming a doctor are very slim. I am just pointing out the obvious.

Spare us the ego trips on social media about what a great parent you are. If you cannot hang those awkward paintings your son drew on the walls of your living room, what makes you think that we want to see them on Facebook?

SPARE US

Spare us the family holiday photos of your children at the beach. Spare us the blow-by-blow account of your children’s lives. Let those little angels grow up in peace and stop violating their privacy by telling the entire world what they ate for dinner.

Your child turned one month old, so what? Your son got a prize for being the most disciplined, news flash! Your daughter joined class one and looks cute in her uniform. Big deal!

We all know that some of you are bad, absentee parents who are never there for their children. Spare us the miss-goody-two-shoes attitude, trying to put up a façade on Facebook, showing us that you are a better parent than the rest of us.

I don’t know much about parenting but after being raised by fantastic parents, I know it is 100 per cent being there for your children and zero per cent taking photos for social media.

These days, the social media parents are more interested in taking photos of their children’s homework to post on Facebook than actually doing the homework with them. You cannot raise children using hashtags!

I have studied the Facebook posts and tweets and found out some of you are not even genuine. Some women are so competitive; you just want to show your other female friends how your child is smarter and cuter than the rest. It is just a competition all of you are in, and the poor children are accessories you are using to prove a point to your friends.

The truth is, there will always be a cuter, smarter, prettier, more adorable child than yours. Your friend’s family life will always look better than yours in Facebook photos and they might look like they are having more fun with their children than yours. But it is just nonsensical to hold teenage contests on social media. You cannot do parenting on social media. Period.

FEEDBACK
What you said on why single girls should not date married men:

You are misleading our lasses. Polygamy is acceptable and honourable. 

Ben Njenga

Your naivety betrays you! Have you ever wondered where second, third, and fourth wives come from? They are not born or bought in a boutique.
Samuel Owiti