Police always win in stupidity contest with protesters

A match-up of police masseuse versus political hooligans in a contest of public stupidity can only produce one obvious victor, as protests against the Independent Electoral and Boundaries Commission have proven.

Police do not graduate from training school with government-issue massage oil, powder and a feather. They get boots, and shields, and guns and bullets. Deep tissue African massage using truncheons, aromatic teargas and a whiff of gunpowder is their specialty.

Protestors invariably show up at demonstrations with stones hidden in their cheeks, turning them over their tongues to wet them before the deathly throw. Others are stone and machete mules who swallow the weapons whole in the hope of ejecting them in time to confront law enforcement officers. In police lingo, they are armed and dangerous.

Poor people who are infected with the stupidity of following Raila Odinga, the leader of the Coalition for Reforms and Democracy, refuse to dress up in nice shirt and tie to go to work in a 12th floor government office.

Instead, they show up stark naked and begin raiding clothing stores so that by the time they reach the venue of their protest, they are fully dressed, their newly stolen green hooded jackets bulging with flat-screen television sets, and their stomachs surprised by the presence of hastily swallowed jewellery.

Worshippers of the Lord of Poverty, Raila, choose not to be employed. They elect not to eat lunch at high-end restaurants in the capital even when the hour beckons, and instead set about destroying property, which is greater in value than their entire lives. It is — property they will never own in their short, miserable lives.

Disguises employed by violent political hooligans are legion: they pose as peaceful painters in coveralls, complete with red brushes, or as women waving white handkerchiefs. Police detection of criminals is advanced enough to cut through the deception.

PRETEND TO BE DEAD

Even when they fall on the ground in a pretended dead faint to draw police officers close so that they can steal their cool new boots, the law sees them. Six kicks in the backside and 10 landings of the truncheon for that. These are the people whose genes must not be allowed to remain in the next generation.

Nothing is as disrespectful to the police uniform as lying on the ground when an officer approaches.

Other protestors flail their arms in the air in a threatening manner — calling on the lightning to strike a uniformed police officer. The protestors’ fingers are primed to rob entrepreneurs applying for government tenders of their e-paperwork.

Police are merciful not to shoot them on sight for suspected violent robbery, which by law attracts the death penalty. Despite the death-wish of many protestors, they are all still alive, thanks to proportionate punishment meted out to them.

Looking at the boiling bloody corpuscles streaming down the demonstrators’ faces, it is clear that they even their plasma was anti-government. Police work for the government. There is not a single day the pay-slip of an officer has arrived with the Cord logo on it.

Anyone who attacks the government picks the police as an enemy. The IEBC is government. Unless people use peaceful, constitutional and legal means — like writing letters to the IEBC commissioners, or holding prayer meetings — they have only themselves to blame when the police defend the government.

All right-thinking people around the world have no sympathy for anarchists who use unconstitutional and illegal means to take over government. Injuries suffered by protestors in such environments are self-inflicted and deserve to be punished through further charges of self-endangerment.

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