When in doubt, side with her

An article by one of my colleagues two weeks ago caused so much brouhaha you would have thought pictures of Raila Odinga and Uhuru Kenyatta holding hands in some exotic beach had been leaked.

Now, I know a lot of things were said, things to do with women being fat, having smelly hair and whatnot and the responses were fast and furious.

The last time someone pissed off so many people, the Arab Spring happened.

Marriage is one hot button issue, I know nothing about it other than the fact that all my friends are getting into it while a few others are running in the opposite direction.

I have been attending so many weddings of late that my mother is getting concerned. She thinks I am not being motivated enough.

It is like always visiting Alliance High School and still ending up the bottom of your class.

Same as sending Harambee Stars to Brazil to watch the World Cup and the only thing they came back with were selfies.

Not even a bloody phone number of a beautiful Brazilian girl or player.

So back to marriage and the hullabaloo caused by the article, I realised that most men were silent on the issue and I want us to give a round of applause to these smart men who deserve happiness.

The rest of the men were even smarter; they were outraged! This is genius!

They were outraged, not because the article was really offensive or deep but because they were taking the wife’s side.

I heard somewhere that for a marriage to work, a man has to be ready to apologise when the wife is on the wrong.

The few friends I spoke to told me they had not even read the article but the missus was so furious, that they just joined in on the anger parade for the sake of national peace. These men deserve medals.

Now, there are men who were touched by the article for different reasons mostly because the weave on the wife’s head has been on for so long it is practically family now.

The weave is now that drunk family member who you wouldn’t leave your kids with because 1) they’re dirty and 2) you just don’t trust them.

What did these men do, this is enough to make you cry. These brave souls probably read the article at the barbershop or at the carwash, bought the newspaper and took it home and, feigning outrage, asked the wife to read it.

Of course, she read it and got the hint that she needed to let the family member go, and is probably doing something about it right now. Let us give these men a standing ovation.

Let us not forget the men whose wives take care of their bodies, they look good and smell good but the reverse is true when it comes to the husbands.

These men bore the brunt of the article because I have a feeling the wife was reading the article when she said something like:

“The writer should write why women cheat also…” That comment is enough to send a healthy man to the grave in three seconds.

So, to all the dudes who have 'moobs' (man boobs) and who last tied their shoes standing up on your wedding day, just know that you are a child of God — what else can I say to you?

Then we come to the dumbest of them all, the men, who, after reading the article, loudly proclaimed that men would cheat even on Halle Berry. I don’t know what you thought you were doing but you failed miserably.

I know you are reading this with tears in your eyes because you thought you were trying to help but ended up committing a greater crime than most thugs who have been shot dead by cops.

Yes, we all know Halle Berry was cheated on and, as men, we have no idea how a grown up man would do that. Nonetheless, never say that to your woman as a positive thing. Ever!

Whenever you want to say something positive to your wife but are not sure, don’t say it. I repeat, shut up and run.

@Mwanikih