Why social media obsession is sickness

What you need to know:

  • Social media has brought a deceptively easy way to project fake power and portray life in the way people like to see it.

  • A study published in the Personality and Individual Differences journal found that young Facebook users are increasingly acquiring narcissistic tendencies.

  • Research has shown a spike in depression, suicide and family breakdowns with the advent of social media.

She looked through social media posts and marvelled at the updates from her friends. Her high school classmate was holidaying in Hawaii. Her campus roommate was photographed in winter clothes, watching the waters of the Niagara Falls as they tumbled down, creating waves and rainbows.

She refreshed the buttons. Another friend had a breathtaking family photo, showing her two children and husband, in a tight hug. She had captioned it “loving life with the loves of my life”.

Further down as she scrolled, her eyes were attracted to another post by a Facebook friend she had never met: “My mum was the best human being in the world. So kind. Simple. Loving. We will miss you dearly. Entertain the angels as you await us to join you!”

Stella took a deep breath, and then pondered over the myriad problems she was experiencing. Her life was a rollercoaster of bad luck. She had lost her high-paying job, and landed another where she worked so hard, yet earned merely enough to survive. She had broken up with her cheating boyfriend. At 32, she felt the compulsive need to marry and settle down. It seemed as if all good men had been booked.

Increasingly, she found solace in Facebook and Instagram. Whenever she spent one hour off her mobile phone, she suffered a withdrawal – sometimes trembling, experiencing palpitations and a cold sweat. She woke up in the middle of the night to check “what the world was saying”.

SEEMED LOST

It got worse when she couldn’t listen to a sermon in church, and the church’s roving cameras captured her as she seemed lost in Facebook. The pastor made sure to rebuke “those who came to church for the sake of it”.

The era of social media has revolutionised communication and relationships. We have seen revolutions powered by social media. We have seen businesses grow out of prudent use of Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, among others.

But we have seen an emergence of a class of people, hooked onto social media as if on hypnotisers. We have seen an obsession with self-image, shallow friendships, self-absorption, vanity and exhibitionist tendencies.

The need for appreciation is a primeval human instinct. It is the reason people crave power to the point of killing or maiming for it.

Social media has brought a deceptively easy way to project fake power and portray life in the way people like to see it. This is why people Photoshop themselves in exotic locations and portray themselves as if living life with no challenges.

A study published in the Personality and Individual Differences journal found that young Facebook users are increasingly acquiring narcissistic tendencies.

Narcissistic personality disorder is a condition characterised by the unconscious need to deny an unstated and poor self-image through inflation. Victims turn to grandiose exhibitionism. The goal of this self-deception, says Elan Golomb, is to be impervious to greatly feared external criticism and to their own rolling sea of doubts.

TWO SELVES

Psychologists claim that a person has two selves: the "now self” and the “possible self”. The internet is a shallow cave that allows some measure of anonymity and hence a person can strive to become “possible self”. It is therefore not surprising that people tend to mask who they are, the challenges they face, and the true station of their life, in a bid to feed their daily ego and attract possible adulation. Again, psychologists contend that narcissistic tendencies occur in all individuals, but are usually suppressed by conscious effort.

Research has shown a spike in depression, suicide and family breakdowns with the advent of social media.

Stella, for example, feels that life is unfair – while all her friends are seemingly rolling in success.

The truth is all human beings experience challenges. All human beings like presenting their best side. Yes, they have skeletons in the closet, but they would rather we see how successful, happy, beautiful, smart and connected they are. The consumers, like Stella, can join the bandwagon of narcissism, or go down the route of despair and self-hate.

Finally, a thought came to Stella’s mind. Why not post that she was taking vacation in Cape Town? She quickly downloaded photos of vintage attractions in Cape Town, and uploaded them into her page with the caption: vacationing in Cape Town over the weekend. God is faithful. As she refreshed her page, a barrage of comments trickled: “You’re blessed. Keep up/Oh my girl, congratulations, you’re going places/Your hardwork has finally paid off/May you enjoy the fruits of your labour”. It was the beginning of her sojourn into self-deception, superiority and exhibitionism – the tell-tale signs of narcissism.

Dr Paul Bundi Karau is a medical doctor and author.

@pbkarau