It’s all your fault, ladies, if he cheats

Why do men cheat?  No, let me rephrase the question. Why would a God-fearing man, who sings in the church choir cheat on his wife or girlfriend?

Is it because he is a wicked piece of junk that has completely lost its moral compass or he is an insatiable being?

There are several reasons why a man cheats, but as a woman, have you ever thought that you could be the reason why your husband strays? That you could have contributed 100 per cent to making him see in other skirts what he does not see in yours?

I see you are getting vexed and disgusted, but truth be told, women contribute a lot to their husband’s philandering ways. Here is what turns him off.

You are fat:

 I like to call a spade a spade. When I see a fat girl, I will call her fat. Most married women I know are fat. Children or no children, you have lost your physical attractiveness.

What I see on the streets are rolls upon rolls of fat and flesh wobbling around. I look at some married women and I pity their husbands, asking myself “How do you get turned on by that?”   or “How do you wash all that mass?”

I understand that the vagaries of life and childbirth take their toll on a woman’s body, but ladies, can you shove this stinking attitude of “plus-size and loving it?” It is time women stopped lying to themselves that big is beautiful; that plus size is attractive and that what matters is what is inside.

To hell with inner beauty! Who gets turned on by inner beauty?  Who cares if you have a wonderful heart and a wiggly mass of flesh for a behind? Big is not beautiful. Those ‘tyres’ around your waist are not love handles; they are ugly, unsightly and unheavenly.

Those flabby arms are not sexy at all; they are disgusting to look at and you must reduce them.  Those stretch marks are not beauty marks of childbirth, they are as a result of your uncontrolled consumption of loads of food and you need to stop eating like a pig.

A man can afford a potbelly and get away with being thought to be rich but an overweight woman is a disgrace.

Do away with your thunder thighs ladies; they are excess baggage you don’t need. If it has been two years since you had a child and your tummy still wobbles when you brush your teeth, then you are a lazy bum.

I don’t care if you have a busy schedule or four kids. If you have time to down an entire mug of uji, then girl, it is time to hit the gym.

Stop giving your husbands a rough time by expecting them to look away when they see a woman with a great body pass by when you resemble a baby hippo.

You are an idle nag:

You are fat, and then, you are a nag. How difficult can your husband’s life get? Your physical unattractiveness sticks out like a sore thumb and you want to reduce your chances of happiness by topping it up with being an irritating nag that cannot give her husband peace?

If he tells you he is in the pub with wazee, why the hell would you bombard his phone with texts and calls asking him where he is?

What you need is to get a life, friends, a pet or a hobby. Hit the ground running with projects at work and oh…signing up for the gym.

It takes a lot of your time and takes your mind off stuff.  A nagging woman, no matter how physically attractive she is, will end up with a cheating husband who is not sorry for straying. For goodness sake, stop going through his phone and will you stop asking who ‘Sheila’ is?

You have no sense of fashion:

The first thing you notice about a woman is her fashion sense. Then her face and her physical appearance. I have seen some of you show up in the office looking like you were run over by a truck. Your clothes are distasteful and ill-fitting and your hair looks like grass in City Stadium after a tough football match.

How much will it cost you to dress well? How much will it cost you to do away with the ugly dresses and drab jeans? Are you so backward that you cannot even flip through a fashion magazine or blog to look at the latest fashion trends.

How long will it take you to put some lipstick and heels? I don’t expect you to wear six-inch heels, but what is a woman who cannot sashay and strut in a sexy pair of heels?

Is your life so miserable that you cannot be creative enough to have another hairstyle besides that stinking plastic bird nest you call a weave?

Ladies, competition is tough and there are very many attractive women walking around this town. Just because you are hitched with three children does not mean you must squeeze yourself in that sickening faded pair of trousers and flat shoes.

Just because you are somebody’s mother doesn’t mean that you can’t show some leg and cleavage, lots of it. Who says because you are a born-again mother of four and a devoted wife you cannot look fantastic and decent in a figure hugging dress?

You are lazy and boring:

Let’s face it. Since you got married, you have become a boring, dull and gloomy stay-at-home mother and wife whose one and only goal is to raise children.

You will be damned if you expect your husband to follow suit. You have lost your taste for fun and your idea of it is taking the children out for chips and swimming.

Your husband does not crave your company anymore and the only place you go together is church, visiting family and friends. You let your husband go alone for jogging or to the gym and you think he will not cheat on you with the chic that reminds him to go for jogging?

How thick can you get? If you are not your husband’s recreational partner, then somebody else will be. There are pretty young things that understand there is more to life than sitting at home watching Nigerian movies and Corazon Indomable.

The truth is, if your husband doesn’t find you fun to be with, don’t expect him to find you sexually attractive. That is the painful truth.

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FEEDBACK

Let's get this straight, the articles you write are very retrogressive, I mean, how old are you? 16? “Give clandes a break; they go through hell” ... “Married women should be ready to share their husbands”. Speak for your idiotic self. If anything, you are nothing close to “bold, sassy and audacious…From that disgusting picture I have seen of you, you ought to watch your mouth and have some dignity.

You’d think that all these men are asking for your number because they are interested but in real sense, it’s because they have come across a cheap, illiterate and immoral woman.

At this rate, I would rather be a country girl than a city girl. You are a very disgusting thing, I cannot refer to you as a woman because you have offended the female population in not so worthy articles. Just being real though, get some education and grow up.

- Carole Adagala

 The writer should find something more relevant to write about. I know you are trying to cause a stir but if this is how desperate you are, then writing is clearly not meant for you.

 – Valerie Otieno

 Reading your articles, one wonders if you have any conscience about God. Which kind of prayer will I offer to the so called “clande”? God forbid!

- Rev Geoffrey Avudiko.

 You remind me of myself. Keep it up.

- Agnes Kinyanjui

 You are intelligent but chicken feminist

- Anne Wangui

 @musa_rose: @dailynation @njokichege clandes choose this life. Wives don’t.  Why sympathise with someone who makes bad choices and hurts those who don’t?

Scatter brain kind of article, from clandes to muthutho ..... What was the rationale of combining the two? Nothing juicy or useful. I am done with this author, NEXT!”

- obotchereret 

 Is the writer the same girl who was last week dumped by her man via SMS? If so, I understand her wish to annoy all women.

- Kisima Giningi

 See woman, just because you are hanging out with some married men does not mean everyone is.

Just because some married men are having a ‘Mchipuko’ does not mean everyone is. Come on, do not not make it generic that all men have a PYT somewhere.

It might be true that many have the capability of doing this and doing well, but to borrow from Professor DumbleDore (sic), “It is not our abilities that shows who we truly are, it is our choices.”

Stanely Mungai