Shame on men who live large as their babies feed on crumbs

And ladies, he will not call you because he saw his photo on Facebook, neither will he send you Sh5,000 on M-pesa for his son’s school fees because you gave away his private mobile number on social media.

This week, something exciting happened on Facebook.

It was all about this new page called ‘Dead Beat Kenya’ that exposes men who sire children and don’t take care of them.

Jilted women posted photos of their ‘dead-beat’ baby daddies, their phone numbers and revealed gory details about their relationships.

Businessmen, corporate honchos, musicians and even a politician from central Kenya were among those exposed by baby mamas they “used and dumped” eons ago.

The complaints were rife. “He doesn’t pay rent”, “he doesn’t educate his children”, “he hasn’t paid dowry” and “he has another family”.

The comments from the group’s members were quite entertaining.

They encouraged the poor ladies to name and shame those baby daddies who sire children and abandon them.

They encouraged them to share more photos of the “man who eats chicken, yet his children eat like chicken and with chicken”.

I find ‘Dead Beat Kenya’ and all women who post their miseries on social media amusing. Let’s start from the beginning.

You met this man, dated him for a while, got pregnant and then he disappeared.

He left you with a child or children that you can barely take care of and you think the only way to revenge is by ‘exposing’ him on social media.

Wrong move, ma’am, it doesn’t work like that. He will not call you because he saw his unflattering photo on Facebook, neither will he send you Sh5,000 on M-pesa for his son’s school fees because you gave away his private mobile number on Facebook.

CARELESS WOMEN

I don’t condone men who sire and leave their children for dead.

I don’t support men who live like kings as their children wallow in poverty.

In fact, I think they are nitwits.

Certainly, there is a special corner in hell for men who have children and don’t take care of them.

But then again, there wouldn’t be ‘dead beat fathers’ if there were no careless women who get pregnant with questionable men, right?

Ladies, I think it is time we got a few things right. You see, the thing with women is that we have that unique in-built sixth sense that God gave us because he knew this world would be full of irresponsible dimwits who just want to take you for a ride.

God knew when he created a woman that she would be tossed into a man’s world, where men think they can do anything and get away with it.

That sixth sense, combined with common sense was God’s secret weapon for you as you groped in a world full of mongrels and salivating hyenas.

So it makes me really mad that you, as a woman, do not use your sixth sense in picking out a man to have a baby with.

If you are dating a man who drinks himself silly, urinates on the tire of his car and can barely walk because he is too drunk, how on earth do you decide to have his baby?

I have no personal issue with young women who date married men. Really, that is none of my business and who am I to judge?

But why have a baby with him, knowing too well that he has two other children with yet another woman?

TELL-TALE SIGNS

Last week, I talked about women who date politicians and rich businessmen as I walked you through the whole process from glory to grass when he finally dumps you.

It is easier to tell a man who would dump you once he impregnates you.

The tell-tale signs are normally there, and they all have to do with if he is responsible or not.

And then there are those ladies who try to trap a man. So cliché! A little secret girls, if a man wants to stay, nothing will keep him away and if he wants to go, nothing—not even a baby—can make him stay.

A baby, no matter how cute or adorable cannot make him stay, so be done with using that little innocent tot as leverage to get his attention.

To those jilted ladies who have been left high and dry with babies on their backs, please preserve your dignity and know when it is time to let sleeping dogs lie.

Yes, you made a grave mistake and got pregnant with this jamaa who can not zip up.

He has made it crystal clear that he wants nothing to do with you and your brood.

It is difficult raising a child alone, but that doesn’t warrant you to embarrass yourself on social media or show up at his workplace–baby in tow–screaming and shouting what an irresponsible man he is.

Be honourable. Sober up. Chart the way forward. Have some dignity. Have some pride. Be strong and take it in your stride.

He left you with a baby, so what? Nobody has died because of taking care of their children.

You can raise that tot by yourself. Yes, you can, drama free. Show that idiot that you don’t give a hoot whether he is in the picture or not.

Show him your child can thrive without him. Move on, date if you like, and get married if you fall in love.

Live and love without bitterness; smile, enjoy life and don’t be rattled by his misbehaviour. Nothing pains a man more than knowing that you don’t need him to be happy.

And when he calls to say hello to his kids, hand the phone to your current man and let the two bulls square it out.

YOUR FEEDBACK

Reports reaching my desk suggest that I have ‘toned down’ from my otherwise combative and militant approach to issues.

Well, I have nothing much to say about that, save for the fact that City Girl just happens to be a very passionate writer, who occasionally likes to spare her readers the passion that burns inside her.

Here is a sample of your feedback from last week’s column.

Njoki, greetings from a Kenyan stranger. I read your articles and without any iota of untruth, they are spot on.

This Saturday’s one was not only a probono advise but a true positioning of the current crop of mistresses whom as you have said will one day wallow in regrets. I support you and your writings are hot! Bravo.

Ken Mbulo

***

Hello. I love your articles; the one in today’s paper being no exception.

When I tell these ladies the same hard truth, they quickly put me off and give me a cold shoulder.

They don’t know that they are only wasting their precious lives. Go girl, tell them on our behalf.

Michael Ochieng

***

Hi Njoki, I love your articles, they are the reason why I started buying Saturday Nation, very interesting with a high level of honesty and transparency.

Keep it up and continue writing. Fear not because you are speaking the truth.

Mama Totos, Bungoma

***

Wow! What a counsellor. If only women could be listening to you every weekend through your articles, there would be a remarkable reduction of single ladies with waheshimiwas children. Kudos.

Benson Etyang, Eldoret

***

This was another awesome article that exposed the crazy things women do to attain financial independence and be a public figure.

Why attain all these at the expense of your body?

It is true a woman will believe a man loves her by paying her bills. If you want to catch a bird, you lay a trap and place some cereals in the trap and once the bird reaches for the cereals, it’s caged.

The same case with women. They are lured to the traps by financial gains.

When mheshimiwa is kicked out after the five years, they are also kicked out and everything repossessed.

Style up girls. Your life is precious and not up for grabs. Kind regards.

Macharia Calvin (Esq)

***

The best advice you have given to these young ladies is don’t get pregnant.

Chiro Adagala

***

I give you credit on this and let me add that the women dating these Big Men are disillusioned, dreamers and pretenders. Most are short-sighted on their future.

Geoffrey Mukhongo

***

Kudos sister Njoki for the good work you are doing. I really admire the audacity with which you are addressing the moral decadence in the society.

Andrew Kiriago

***

As the holy book puts it; whoever has ears let them hear. Njoki you gave out a lesson in last week’s article. Let the ladies know, apart from being dumped after their contract expires, hell-fire is awaiting them because of being used as sexual objects.

Rev. Avudiko Geoffrey from Botwa-Kitale