Forget everything your mother and big sisters have told you about marrying for love. Marry the money. Follow the money.
When you are 26 years old like me, in the prime of your youth and with your life ahead of you, the biggest mistake you can make is to marry that poor man you claim to love.
Smart girls, bright girls, girls who are ambitious and know what they truly want, will frown upon the idea of marrying for love and marry for the money.
Ladies, let me bring to your attention a few stubborn facts that will make you rethink your choice of marrying that kahustler you claim to love so much.
WOMEN PAID LESS
First of all, statistics from all the over the world- including Kenya- show that women are paid much less than their male counterparts at work.
Forget women empowerment and emancipation of the girl child (and other short stories).
It doesn’t matter if you have a master’s degree or if you are smarter than the rest of the men in your team.
No single feminist hogwash will change this painful truth.
Secondly, look around at your workplace and see all the women who have given birth or had children recently.
How many of them got promotions after giving birth if they were not already fired the minute the bosses discovered they were pregnant?
The second bitter truth is, once women begin to have family responsibilities, employers begin to shun them.
Their working hours change and in most cases, their attention at work dwindles because, they have more important things to worry about- their children.
No employer is going to promote a woman whose mind is always distracted by her children today and stressful husband tomorrow.
As they take time off to be with their children, they miss important trainings and opportunities, and their male counterparts –who are already paid more-clinch the positions meant for these women.
Before you know it, that guy you interviewed for his internship is your boss and you will soon be pleading with him to give you some time off to take your baby to the clinic. Sad, but true.
So stop hanging on to those fake fairy tales of marrying for love. The truth is, you will not always be in love with that poor guy you married.
Sometimes, you will feel like poisoning his beef stew and you will hate him for all the mistakes he will do.
MARRY A MAN WITH DEEP POCKETS
But when you marry a wealthy, shrewd man, chances are, even if you may have marital problems, you will still have some money to buy yourself a nice car which just might make you remotely happy.
Which is why, young girls, I plead with you: Marry a man with deep pockets. Your financial problems will be solved, once and for all.
If you want, you will never have to work a day in your life. And if you must work, it will just be for sport, you know, to give yourself a break from all the fatigue that comes with shopping in France and carrying that heavy diamond on your finger.
Don’t let anyone lie to you that marriage is all about love. Now, I am no Pastor Kitoto the marriage expert, but any idiot knows that while money is not the key to a happy marriage, neither is love the key to a happy marriage.
You are 26-year-old today. One hell of a bombshell with curves and a famous derriere that would make the Pope reconsider his vows.
You also have a brain. So, as you use that little brain of yours to crack that MBA, also use it to be smart enough to give that wealthy guy a fair chance.
Forget about these 27-year old young men who only buy you a couple of Guaranas and a pot of Shisha at Brew Bistro.
Your future husband is that Mr. Moneybags, whose phone calls you have been ignoring.
Do you want to spend Christmas with your husband’s parents in shagz for the rest of your life or do you want to tour the world? Do you want your children to attend average schools or do you want them to be in class with the children of presidents and kings?
Do you want to shop at Toi market for bargain clothes for the rest of your life or do you want to start shopping at Woolworths?
Do you want to keep driving that old Toyota or would you like to know how a Mercedes G-Class G63 feels like? Do you want to keep living in Eastlands or in Karen where you can give your lungs a taste of fresh air for once in your life?
I know some of you have bought the lie that marrying for love equals emotional security.
Emotional security, my foot! How do you measure emotional security? Emotional security is for sissies and losers.
Not forgetting that it is just a concept created by psychologists. Financial security on the other hand, is tangible.
It can be measured in coins, notes and property. That should be number one on your mind. In any case, to be honest with you, I have been my most emotionally secure when I had money in my purse, some more in my M-PESA and even more in my bank account.
I know what you are saying, you 40-year-old bitter feminists. That you have seen many like me come and go. Yeah, keep talking. From your one-bedroom apartment in Kinoo. I see you.