To my critics and fans, wishing you a happy New Year

Saturday January 2 2016

By NJOKI CHEGE
More by this Author

Dear readers, it was one hell of a year. Who thought we would come this far? Today, I am not going to bore (or amuse you) with my tales.

I have a little New Year present to my loyal readers, who walk to the vendor to buy a newspaper and turn to this page to read my madness. This piece is for those who click that link and read this column on our website (www.nation.co.ke).

This is a dedication to all those who not only read this column, but also take time to give feedback and more importantly, share this article and talk about it online and also in the bars. Without you ardent readers, and of course my loyal critics, there is no City Girl. So, I will get straight to my point and allow you to unwrap this gift.

Enjoy!

On the ‘Subaru saga’
Njoki. I do not read your columns at all and I only read this because you placed a photo of the Impreza on the face of the page, and I know you did it intentionally to catch people like me to read. I even did not read through to the end as it showed the ignorance of the writer on Subs. Just to enlighten you, Subarus are not made to only transport people and items. Subarus empower the driver to enjoy every moment of their driving and in this; one of those moments is being noticed whether for good or bad reasons, of which Subaru owners don’t really care. “Confidence in motion” is Subarus catch line and that’s why we scare you off the road every time, whether with sound or agility.
Subaru has invested time and resources in developing the best exhaust and mufflers systems to the engine that emit enviable engine sounds to those who know about what it means. It connects the driver’s mind with engine performance-it is emotional. You may not understand but your son will when he grows up and maybe for the mum-son emotional connection, you may understand then.
Reader

I do not own a blue Subaru, I do not even plan to but I understand what they’re made for. Just like 4x4s are made to spit mud on you on those rural roads leaving you stuck in your Premio, Subs also do their part in traffic.
Daniel Githanji

Blue boxer boys and biased bloggers: This is a clarification and a disclaimer. I do not know any female bloggers, much less any who have underlying and/or unresolved issues with drivers of blue Subarus.
I did not train, nor did I request any Internet superhero to pick fights with yuppie-grade six-star specialists. I did not ask for any help in disparaging the Boxer Boys. My relation with Subaru (drivers) transcends colour and creed: an Impreza doesn’t have to be blue to get beaten by a Lancer Evolution.
My on-off disagreement with the Subaru fan club is not a judgmental and jaundiced look at their lifestyles, or their romantic capabilities, life choices or financial health; it is a simple debate that is quite easily solved through an orgy of octane overdose, twin turbos, advanced timing, burning rubber, wild understeer, missed gearshifts, shattered valves and bent con-rods.
In other words, this is banter between petrol heads, not social commentary. It is high time prejudiced “keyboard activists” left Subaru drivers alone. Only I am allowed to poke fun at them.
I don’t write about age-disparate, inappropriate, financially-fuelled social pairings involving sugar-parents (daddies or mommies) in my weekly column, seeing how little I know about them. It is only fair not to include motor vehicles in questionable write-up involving the devious machinations of scheming trollops; obnoxious opportunists seeking pots of gold where they aren’t supposed to, more so if the author of the said piece thinks a Range Rover Sport is the beginning and the end all things motoring. Leave the Subaru-bashing to me.
J.M Baraza

On “How to be a female pastor in Nairobi”
Your piece in today’s paper says you have sunk very low. Please give it up to someone else. Did you really have to get that personal? Is it jealousy? The Editor should do us a favour and rid us of your type. I understood the purpose of your column but I don’t think you are the right person. You are not mature for it dear.
Sophie Chirchir
About today’s article. You completely went off the mark msichana. You’re really wicked and if all girls could follow in your wicked path, the world would be over. Keep up though, of course, for the pay cheque.
Nyaoke H.

City Girl column is a classic example of how media lowers our moral standards. The column is always laced with sensationalism, gossips, celebrity cult and promotes happy-go-lucky lifestyles that the youth yearn for, things that beget immorality. I have been following the column and honestly I have never understood what the column seeks to achieve apart from creating fantasies in their readers hence boosting the sales.
Reader

Lastly, my favorite tweets.
@bettywaitherero: Njoki Chege has a narcissistic personality disorder; hates peoples’ bodies, clothes, cars, drinks, food, drugs anything that isn’t about her.
@CiruMuriuki: Fat-shaming article rife with grammatical errors. What is a “sedimentary lifestyle” Njoki Chege?
@helenlangat: I hope Saturday Nation is the peak of Njoki Chege’s ambition. With that body of work, no serious international publisher will touch her.

And the winner is…Musah Mwakelemu K., who took time and immense effort to draw the lovely cartoon (above) of me and what seems like the man of my dreams.

Unlike most City Girls who fancy a tall, dark and handsome man, I am more inclined to short, rotund, fast-balding men who drive ‘that car’. You are spot on, Musah.