We can't afford a country of uneducated, unfaithful, vicious men

What you need to know:

  • In Mary's culture, women do not make decisions and her father believed that to educate a woman was “an abomination.”
  • The boy-child challenges are acute in northern communities, but also all over the country and quite visibly in Nairobi.
  • Women have traditionally been the backbone of the family, the unifying factor. More and more, they seem to have become the only factor

It was almost midnight, and rain was mercilessly pouring over Nairobi.

I was trying to cross a ‘lake’ that had emerged at the junction between Arboretum and the new Kileleshwa bypass.

A woman was stuck in the middle of this ‘lake’, her car carrying a multitude of young Turkana and Pokot boys. She shouted “Luis!” and my co-driver and I stopped to help.

She was Mary Kanyaman Ekai, one of those Kenyan heroes who will sooner, rather than later, change society for the better.

Mary’s story is worth telling. She was born in Turkana. In her culture, women do not make decisions and her father believed that to educate a woman was “an abomination.” When she was nine she made it clear she was determined to attend school.

She was thrown out into exile and she and her mother had to move in with her maternal grandmother.

She said her mother and grandmother created a supportive environment for her. She persevered and ended up in university, from where she graduated as a laboratory scientist.

Mary is very aware that girls need help. She also knows that this help will not come unless we deal with the root of the problem: men.

Uneducated, unfaithful or vicious men are the greatest challenge posed to the modern family; they are women’s biggest problem, an obstacle to education, professional progress and happiness.

This affects children, and particularly the boy-child. Mary founded the Turkana Boy Child Organisation, and since then she has been moving heaven and earth, seeking support for what she considers the only way out for northern Kenya.

She brings together young Turkana, Pokot and Samburu children, mixes them and teaches them together. It is a long-term goal, a huge dream that will come true.

The boy-child challenges are acute in northern communities, but also all over the country and quite visibly in Nairobi.

Society is a composite of complementary beings, men and women. Any one-sided social project may throw society into an imbalanced spiral of unpredictable results, unless it is accompanied by a comprehensive government policy that looks after the social fabric as a whole. 

China has failed in this regard. Rob Brooks, professor of Evolution and Director of the Evolution and Ecology Research Centre at the University of New South Wales in Sydney, explains that in the 19th century, China suffered two huge floods on the Yellow River.

Famine followed and ravaged north-eastern China. During this famine there was widespread female infanticide.

Girls were perceived as a burden to economic growth. In later years, young men grouped together into outlaw bands that wrought chaos. This rebellion, known as Nien, devastated the Chinese economy and eventually brought about the end of the Qing dynasty.

According to Brooks:

“this story of the Nien Rebellion foreshadows one of the biggest issues that China will face in coming decades: China's one-child policy has produced a dramatic excess of young men. A long history of son preference, particularly among the Han majority, has led to female infanticide and the neglect of daughters in some parts of China. But in recent decades, the spread of cheap ultrasound (enabling sex-determination in early-mid pregnancy) and easy access to abortion courtesy of the government's one-child policy, has led to the widespread abortion of female foetuses. As a result, approximately 30 million more men than women will reach adulthood and enter China's mating market by 2020. The scale of this current sex-ratio bias dwarves that in the Nien rebellion, and the consequences could turn out to be more catastrophic.”

Kenya has not fallen into the trap of a one-child policy, but we have done something to our boys. Where are they?

Last week, Julius Sigei published a report on the boy-child. It was alarming, accurate and realistic. The boy-child is in trouble and the effects will be deeply felt in ten to fifteen years’ time.

Sigei explains:

 “the population of female [university students] has grown by 74 per cent and that of men by a paltry 27 per cent, representing a growth rate of 14.5 for women and 5.5 for men. This indicates that the number of women will double every five years and every 12 years for men. Women also save more than men, accounting for 78 per cent of the country’s savings. Slowly, men are becoming a liability especially in the rural areas, where women are the main workers, breadwinners and investors.”

This trend has a noticeable effect on social life. Women have traditionally been the backbone of the family, the unifying factor. More and more, they seem to have become the only factor, while many men squander their wealth and health in bars until the wee hours of the night.

All is not lost. There are amazing fathers and role models and also commendable initiatives promoting the boy-child. KCPF (Kenya Christian Professionals Forum) in conjunction with SUPKEM (Supreme Council of Kenya Muslims) are reaching out to the boy-child in a campaign of true manliness.

Pastor Simon Mbevi has done a great deal of research, writing and talking. His book Dad is Destiny: The Difference a Father Makes is an amazing collection of experiences that aim at helping men understand their tremendous responsibility in today’s family setting.

The IFFD (International Federation for Family Development) has developed a case-study course for couples. These amazing and amusing courses are held at Strathmore Business School once a month, where fathers and mothers meet, laugh and challenge each other in their parenting roles.

Family Network International and Voice of the Family in Africa are also conducting parenting programmes. 

Many worthy initiatives are coming up.  The problem of the boy-child is as real as the girl-child's. Boys need faithful fathers and role models, men who consider their family to be the first and most important business in their life. Are men up to the task? We hope so.

Dr Franceschi is the dean of Strathmore Law School. [email protected], Twitter: @lgfranceschi