Now we know why players smoke bhang

The Ministry of Sports has been quite busy recently; very busy we must say. Last Friday, the Cabinet Secretary received a report from the taskforce he appointed almost a year ago led by none other than Professor Moni Wekesa.

After interviewing 130 sports people from around the country, they presented one damning report: Kenyan footballers smoke bhang!

They did not stop there. They also revealed that it is the coaches who encourage the use of the prohibited substance among the players. That is what we off the pitch find amusing.

There are many Kenyans who have earned respect both as players and as coaches and such an accusation cannot go unexamined.

Just try to imagine a scenario where coach Francis Kimanzi puts his hands into his track suit pockets and draws out a stone of special Kitui brand of weed and tells his players before a match:
“Boys, here you are! Smoke this great stuff it will make you stronger!”

Or perhaps Frank Nuttal arriving in Gor Mahia’s training camp with a bag full of Scottish variety of marijuana and telling his players:

“This is the best product on earth; the league is ours…giniwasekao!”

That would be a nightmare that one cannot even begin to imagine. But the taskforce does not stop there yet.

ENHANCE PERFORMANCE
It says that the use of bhang is accidental, intentional or driven by ignorance. If it is accidental, then we may assume that a player just smokes weed without knowing it is a banned substance. Why he smokes in the first place must also remain a mystery and an accidental occurrence.

If it is intentional, then we suppose he smokes it in the belief that it will enhance his performance; but if it is through ignorance then he smokes as a habit.

Fair enough. But why should the coach encourage him to smoke it? Is the coach doing this out of ignorance, intentionally or accidentally. Does he come with the weed from home and offers it mysteriously to the player?

DOPING

The assumption here is that the taskforce took samples from player’s urine or other yucky stuff for doping; but the good professor did not bother to do this, he simply did it the Kenyan way and at the end of it all released this statement:

“In football for example, there is wide spread use of bhang which is to a larger extent encouraged by coaches and they (coaches) told us that they were using the stuffs in their play days. Cannabis sativa, commonly known as bhang is on the list of prohibited substances but with a little bit of education, it can be stopped.”

The taskforce came to this conclusion after the coaches interviewed “admitted” that they used bhang in their play days. We could name all the coaches in the Kenyan Premier League who were players before and put them to task on this issue but there is no need for that.

They must have been very candid with the Professor and I can fathom him fixing his gaze upon the culprit like a cobra and paternally asking:  “Did you smoke weed during the time you played football?”

ANTI-DOPING MEASURES
The trembling coach withers under the fatherly tone and answers sheepishly:

“Yes, professor… that is why I encourage my players to smoke it.”

The report did only one good thing: it found out that none of the sports federations in the country has instituted anti-doping measures.

We know all that there are players who smoke weed and cannot perform when not under its influence, yet a taskforce had to tour the country for six months to establish if doping takes place and they had to talk to 130 people to come up with the report!

Come up with all the reports you like, but please spare our respected coaches.