Away with Caf for banning Adel Amrouche!
What you need to know:
- Amrouche must be defended at all cost. We are not even sure he spat at the official.
- That was too bad and we expect the team’s handlers to stand by Amrouche at this time of uncertainty.
We must admit that Catholic priests rarely make it to the sports pages. For the very peculiar ones, we must lift the veil and allow in a peroration of football matters.
Father Francis Limo Liwa of Nchiru Catholic Church in Meru County is not only drinking his own urine but he is preaching it to all who have ears to hear! The man of God recommends piss saying:
“This is a real medicine, which will do you wonders if at all you try it out. It cures various diseases in a manner that you cannot imagine.”
The lesson from this urine guzzling cleric, weird as it is, cannot be wished away by twisting our noses and saying “yuck!”
After a lot of honest thought I found the answer to our endemic problems in sports and the solution is the panacea which the ecclesiast prescribes above: Urine.
FRUSTRATED
The commonwealth games are underway in Glasgow, Scotland. As usual, our world beating athletes were already being frustrated by the obvious problems that waylay them during every competition: kits being forgotten in Nairobi, their allowances somehow being wired to a personal account of a sick official, visa matters being solved at the last moment…
They should not worry anymore because the big men at the athletics Kenya are just about to be convinced to take sumptuous volumes of the father’s urine and such.
A litre of the presbyter’s urine for these everlasting great Kenyans shall do us all a great favour. I can imagine them contorting their faces in pleasure at the taste; grimacing and coughing from the sheer flavour of the father’s waste; licking their lips and shedding crocodile tears from the acute desire for more.
After this panacea, our athletes shall now run with all their mental and physical strength sans worries about their families at home. We shall bag many more medals and break many more records that urine way.
So much for athletics. Our national football team fell big-time to Lesotho. It came as surprise to many Kenyans but not to seasoned people like yours truly. I expected it and for very good reasons.
It was not only a loss per se but the greatest blow came when we learnt with dismay that the national team coach Adel Amrouche was suspended initially for two matches, for allegedly spitting on a match official.
It later transpired that he was further banned from all Caf activities for twelve months! That now shocks even me! Twelve months just when our team was “back to the drawing board” trying to qualify for the 2015 Africa Cup of Nations, a competition that we have missed for a while!
That was too bad and we expect the team’s handlers to stand by Amrouche at this time of uncertainty. We demand that they lodge an appeal against the ban because it will be a death knell to our football. If they fail in this endeavour, the wise rector shall give them a dose to spur up their effort.
Amrouche must be defended at all cost. We are not even sure he spat at the official. We know those who sat at Caf’s disciplinary board in an effort to indict us looked back into the career of this great coach with a cockroach’s eye view seeking to find past flaws.
They must have peered into the other saga in Calabar, Nigeria when Amrouche, irked by poor officiating, objected loudly and was sent off the touchline. That is the fire in the belly which any coach worth his salt must portray when he espies skewed calls for fouls.
Those in Cairo who banned our coach are: Raymond Hack, Nkejimana Abubacar, Framcisco Carvalho and Amina Kassem. These gentlemen and the lady are rather sick in our lofty opinion and to help them, we are sending four litres of our panacea piss.
