Hassan Wario must act like the thespian he is

Professor Moni Wekesa, James Sianga, Bob Oyugi, John Gururi, Dr JJ Masiga, Gladys Waweru, Fred Ashimosi.

And the Cabinet Secretary for Sports Hassan Wario are soon going to be swimming in collected urine laced with amputated and putrefied body parts of Kenyan football lovers.

These otherwise good Kenyans will soon reek of the aroma of a pit latrine. Their task is to spend three weeks asking questions and playing sleuths with those in the know and their job is to sniff out the supposed evidence of match fixing in the Kenya versus Lesotho Africa cup of Nations qualifying fixture.

Of course the cabinet secretary is not with the others in this quest but he too has a job to do since the Deputy President showed some belated concern over sports management in the country.

The seven will of course get sitting allowances and that has to be upped to a decent figure since these people are expected to sit on sharp pins like Indian fakirs and get their bottoms pricked for nought.

REPORT

At the end of the senseless and amusing adventure, they are expected to write and present a long story that shall be locked up in a store with all other reports that have been penned by other jokers before them.

The report of course shall blame the recently sacked Harambee Stars coach and the entire technical bench; it must look clearly at the trajectory of his sputum upon an official of the first match against Lesotho; it must contain facts about the Jacob ‘Ghost’ Mulee and his sins that led to the loss; it has to sniff out the hands of these officials for the smell of Lesotho currency that may have changed hands for Kenya to lose!

The report is already written and those gentlemen and the lady could as well take a holiday in a Mombasa beach and get a good ghost writer to type up the above conclusions which the gods of Kenyan football shall applaud vigorously sans shame.

THESPIAN

At the same time, the Cabinet Secretary for Sports Dr Hassan Wario must start pretending that he shall crack the whip on all sports associations, especially football.

Wario, the Shimo la Tewa school old boy was a great dramatist and there is no role he performed in a play that did not earn him the best actor’s honours from adjudicators.

He went on to the university and was a well known thespian untill this ugly job took away his right instinct. He must be reminded that his acting talent will come in very handy now as he issues tough statements to the press about re-registration of ‘new’ sports federation.

He must remind the incumbents that they risk being swept aside by some real changes. Here, he must pose with eyes wide opened in exaggerated stage manner and point a sharp finger deliberately at some very bad and hungry sports officials in a useless boardroom meeting and say: “Thy days are numbered!”

He should not stop there; he must raise his voice into a thunder as if some God or ghost is talking backstage to scare those on stage. He must utter words likely to freeze the blood of Fifa officials who actually have no blood at all!

He must claw his fingers as if ready to choke all those whose children eat, drink and live upon the blood of Kenyan footballers; issue curses and threaten in all ways possible for a thespian.

At the end of it all, the cruel people who manage sports in this country shall laugh till they get stitches on their sides.

Wario shall have solved the problem of football in Kenya and coupled with the efforts of the seven whose names shall soon be soiled, we can start planning to qualify for the 2019 Nations Cup when most of us will have accepted our fate as football losers.

Nothing shall come out of all this bustle of committees formed by busybodies.

Kenya was expected to lose and they lost so sack the technical committee and Ghost, Amrouche and then pat thy fat stomachs!

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