BRIDE-TO-BE: Some friendships are actually lessons

My friends and I went through the good, the bad and the ugly together. PHOTO| FOTOSEARCH

What you need to know:

  • I want the people on my line up to be those who know my beau and I well.
  • If you are that friend who wanted to be on the line-up but ended up in another department, it does not make you any less special.
  • When it comes to friendship you lose some, you win some.

Every transition that you go through in life requires that you lose something as you gain the other.

By the time 2018 ends, I know without a doubt that I will have lost some friends who I thought would be with me for keeps.

I had been friends on and off with these group of girls that I met in university. We went through so much, the good, the bad and the ugly. If any one of us decided to write a tell all about our lives, I guarantee you it would be a best seller.

GROWING APART

However, we started keeping secrets from each other. It was all with good intent, but it is said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

One particular half-truth destroyed the trust that we had taken so long to build.

Things were never the same and I distanced myself from the group. I would go for six months without speaking to any of them and not feel terrible.

As I continued to discover myself outside the group, I realised that s maybe we didn’t click as much anymore. Still, deep down it hurt like hell.

Ladies, if we are honest, the pain of losing a friendship cuts deep especially when you bump into them and node or wave in greeting as if to a stranger.

LITMUS TEST

Planning a wedding causes one to carefully assess the value of people in your life. The line-up is the litmus test.

I have always been clear on one thing; I want the people on my line up to be those who know my beau and I well. I feel that they would be most deserving to walk with me on that day.

That said, I have been forced to change and replace girls in my line-up a few months to the wedding, something I never imagined doing.

It is worth mentioning that if you are that friend who wanted to be on the line-up but ended up in another department, it does not make you any less special.

Sometimes the best way to support your friend being an usher because you are very hospitable and guests will appreciate that. Or attending to the gift table because she can trust you with her cash gifts which is a huge responsibility.

EXPECT SURPRISES

I was told to expect all kinds of surprises during this journey of wedding-planning. For instance, I heard that those people who you thought would come through for you will disappoint you. Those who you never considered close will be the ones offering the most unlikely support.

This has made me be more introspective about who I am as a friend.

What would I have in common with a married woman who now has a husband and in-laws, a household to manage and who is looking to have a baby? Will she have time for me anymore? Will she ever listen to my advice since apparently single people do not understand married people’s situation?

What I can say to all our single friends is that your support is very much needed. As brides-to-be, we may not reach out as much because we are up to our eyeballs in lists of things that need to be done and followed up on.

We are under so much pressure from all corners that we want to cave in and retreat for a little bit of peace and quiet.

ONE DAY EVENT

And yes, we want to talk about something other than wedding planning. We want to know how you are doing, how is school, work, business?

What is the progress with that guy you were eyeing?

After all, the wedding is a one-day event that will end in a few hours and life still goes on.

My beau and I are doing an audit of our friendships and what we have realised is that some people were in our life for a season. Some friends are meant to teach you a lesson, others are meant for the good times and the rare ones are for keeps.

When it comes to friendship you lose some, you win some. Such is the cycle of life.