BOSIRE: Celebrating a dad who stepped up in the face of maternal death

Tedd, a high-flying celebrity, surprised many when he got down to the business of parenting in a way that was most unexpected. PHOTO | COURTESY

On Sunday as I took a moment to celebrate my father on the occasion of Father’s Day, I also celebrated another man who has allowed us to see that is possible for a father to raise a baby on his own and to do it with grace.

The man in question is Tedd Josiah, who turned into an inspiration following the tragedy of losing his wife and mother of his daughter to a bleeding complication when their baby was barely three months old.

Tedd, a high-flying celebrity, surprised many when he got down to the business of parenting in a way that was most unexpected.

Every day from five o’clock in the evening until eight in the morning and throughout weekends, he is his daughter’s sole caregiver.

He has been in the paediatrician’s office for every vaccine and gone home to nurse the fever that comes with it. He has battled with his baby’s eczema and can give you the full rundown on the various soaps, creams and ointments in the market for the condition.

He knows first-hand the pressure a mother feels when a baby falls off the bed or crib and spends the week feeling like the world’s worst parent.

How many dads actually know the cost of a tin of formula? How many know that by the time a baby is heading to one year, she can consume up to three tins a week?

When single mums sue for child support and the world thinks they are being greedy, please remember that not every woman can sustain breastfeeding!

And as if feeding an infant isn’t hard enough for a single father, throw in challenges of lactose intolerance and everything takes a nosedive. Many babies battle with nutritional challenges that may take forever to diagnose, from the common protein allergies to gluten sensitivity and gastro-oesophageal reflux.

It takes a lot of patience, numerous trips to paediatricians, allergists and nutritionists to find what works for your baby. Yet, good nutrition is the cornerstone to good childhood development.

It is the reason why the weighing scale is the first stop for any baby at a hospital or clinic. We all stop to admire a healthy baby with chubby cheeks and are quick to judge a mother with a small baby yet we have no idea what terror mealtimes can be in her house.

PARENTING

The market may be flooded with competing brands of diapers, but that has not translated into affordability.

It is shocking just how many diapers a newborn runs through in the first two months of life. Every diaper is soiled with stool and requires to be changed every two hours. Where are the tax breaks on such essential commodities? How will we prevent diaper rash when the cost of diapers per day is equal to the cost of feeding the entire family?

These are issues Tedd knows, having experienced first-hand how costly it is to be a father as the sole parent. Apart from the direct costs of raising a child, he fully understands the unspoken costs that come with it.

If you haven’t appreciated it when women complain about unequal opportunities at career progression in the workplace due to the interruptions motherhood brings, then hear it first-hand from a man.

Tedd lost his job four months ago and may be on the verge of losing his house if the situation is not remedied soon.

The many nights a mother will stay awake to sponge a febrile baby and wipe up vomit will translate to poor performance at work the whole week.

She will be passed over for a promotion because she was away on maternity leave, yet we wonder why there are few women at the top of the corporate ladder. Kudos to any man who has an appreciation for the sacrifices his wife will make to raise their family.

The loss of a mother in a child’s life is catastrophic. It is estimated that an infant whose mother dies within the first 42 days of birth is 40 times more likely to die than one with a living mother. It is therefore paramount that as we strive to prevent maternal deaths, we also figure out how fathers can begin to bridge the gap by stepping up when needed to. They cannot afford to be distant anymore.

As fathers strive to provide for the material well-being of their children, it is worth remembering that emotional and psychological well-being is even more important.

In addition, we must remember that we cannot teach our sons about gender equality when they have no role models when it comes to how to care for the little ones as part and parcel of fatherhood.

Today, Tedd’s daughter may say ‘mamma’ before verbalising the word ‘daddy’ but in her world, daddy is everything!