Is natural hair compatible with romance?

People don’t really talk about the natural hair struggle in regards to romantic relationships. We all just suffer in silence assuming the four wayward matutas we often use to put our hair away can’t be helped. I mean you’re right, but there have to be ways to finesse the situation, no? Plus, how often do you have to turn down romance because you just put in a fresh style or just did a treatment?  

There’s way too much that goes into making your hair do what you want it to do, to then have to do it all over again- where’s the return on investment in that?

That being said, we are almost always in the stages of doing our hair, having done hair and needing to do our hair. It’s never ending- especially if you don’t outsource your hair care. So how can we keep things going in the bedroom without losing out or being inconvenienced?

A few friends shared their struggles and tips to manage natural hair and romantic situations.

1.Figure out the hair-neuvers with your partner

Struggle: Newly done hair or outside commitments

Awuor’s Tip: Normalise having conversations about it. My spouse has learned to ask, "going anywhere tomorrow?" If I say no, he knows that he has the green light for all the shenanigans. If I say yes, then he knows to avoid my head like the plague!

We’ve also figured a way around new hair. When I’ve just installed a style then all I have to do is point and say, “this is new” and he’ll know to keep the athletics at a minimum.

With this system it’s a win for everyone.

Imani’s Tip: I get hot quite easily which makes a room fan a necessity for me. It turned out to be a saving grace for both my hair and my love life. To keep the sweat factor down on a work night, I make sure the fan stays on, and I also try to stay in the general vicinity of my satin pillow or keep my head from rubbing on the cotton sheets.

2.Be bold or suffer the consequences

Struggle: Protection (the hair kind)

Wawira’s Tip: I used to be shy about wrapping or twisting my hair before sex and would resign myself to dealing with the fallout the next day. Over time it became tasking and the damage caused from all the friction and over manipulation was ruining my hair. Something had to give!

Now when I go for a session I’ll go in twists (or hurriedly do them in the bathroom right before) and carry my bonnet with me. Although twists aren’t the sexiest, I try to jazz it up by pinning them into a ‘cute’ style or sometimes I’ll wrap my hair entirely. In cases where I go in my twists, I’ll leave the bonnet off until bedtime. I’m not trying to remind him of his mother or aunties at that pivotal moment.

Also, if you keep what you wear steamy then he definitely won’t notice the way your matutas are sticking out.

3. Learn to finesse the situation

Struggle: Hair fetishes

Tryphosa’s Tip: The longer my natural hair gets the more fascination it receives. I mean I’m not complaining but it can definitely complicate things in the bedroom. All my partners want to do is play in it, grab it and sink their hands into it every chance they get. I once had to detangle my hair for hours after one session left it heavily knotted. It was a nightmare and I actually thought I’d have to cut some of them out! Luckily, I have the patience of Job, so I just sat there working through it knot after knot after knot…

I decided to talk about my struggle with a friend and she gave me the best trick. She told me to buy those rectangular satin scarves from the streets stalls in town and use them to put my hair in a pineapple before me and my partner get down to things.

By tying your hair up this way, you keep it out of the way to reduce breakage and tangling but you leave just enough of it ‘out’ for your partner to ‘play with’. It’s the perfect compromise.