If your man takes too long to commit, should you give him an ultimatum?

When a woman is with a man that she likes, the one whose babies she can already visualise, she likes clarity about where the relationship is heading.

This is because men have relationship inertia, a tendency to just let it flow, without proposing marriage.

Maybe it does not occur to them that the woman they’re interested in also gets attention from other men.

That she needs to make up her mind about which of the blokes frequenting her inbox she needs to focus on.
Some men, like Albert, will ask a woman on 200 coffee dates, without declaring undying love and asking her to be his girlfriend. She gets flustered and ‘friend zones’ him.

Shortly after, a smooth-talking Mwangi struts by, love-bombs her, and transports her to cloud nine and by the time she lands on her feet, is a heavily pregnant Mrs Mwangi.

Read: Wifespeak: Your wife is cyclical, adjust accordingly

Fifteen years later, Albert will inbox her and confess how much he crushed on her, how he missed the opportunity to put the ring on her finger.

“Huh? Dude, I hang around you like a persistent strain of Covid and all you did was drown me in coffee.”
A woman needs to know, upfront, a man’s intention. She needs to classify a relationship as a brotherly friendship or a romantic one. Some women will be subtle and keep making endless hints.
Now, life has long taught us that men do not get hints. You will invite him to meet your girlfriends and he will be a gentleman about it.

“No, I am sure you need time to bond with your girls.” He will not even notice the raised eyebrow.
Steve Harvey, the inspirational television host recounts how his then-girlfriend jolted him from inertia.

“I woke up one early morning and found her bag parked by the door.” He rubbed his eyes thrice and perked his ears to fully grasp what she was saying.

“Goodbye, Steve. When you are ready, you know where to find me.” Thankfully, he did not ask her whether she needed an Uber – Kenyan men, please – but jumped into action. “At least, let’s have breakfast.”
He said something like that, giving him ample time to slow dance and fast talk. They are celebrating almost two decades of marriage.

Ladies, do not be coy to ask him about his intentions. These sons of Adam need not just a nudge but a splash of ice-cold water to open their eyes, to get thinking and get them to make up their minds.
“Am I your sister or girlfriend?” might work and if he says that you are being dramatic, then know that you are a sister.

Give him a brotherly hug and edit his name from Stevo to Stephen M’Muchai. If he is genuine, he will get into a board meeting with himself.
Peter wrote to me some time back, explaining how he would probably not be celebrating 15 years of a happy marriage, with four children to boot, were it not for his forthright girlfriend.
“When I first met and made a move on her, the last thing on my mind was marriage.” He saw a beautiful woman and, like a normal dude would do, came up with some catchy lyrics which got her attention, enough to accept his coffee date.

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He was about to settle into the routine of coffee, but she did not have the mental bandwidth for that nonsense.
She did not throw hints by asking him where ‘this’ was going.

“She was clear and categorical that her next relationship must be with a man who wants marriage!”

That hit him hard at first since, as we have established, he had not thought past the coffee. “I asked her to give me time to respond.” The last time he had given such serious thought to anything was probably when preparing for the national examinations.
“That condition made me think seriously. In a few days, I got back to her with the response. “I am ready for a relationship with the intention leading to marriage.”
With this clarified, they dated and courted, every minute together was time invested to get to know each other, gauge compatibility and confirm whether they had shared value. “The rest is history.”

Karimi is a wife and mother who believes marriage is worth it.