How do I break her bad phone habits?

Girlphone

A young girl using a phone. 

Photo credit: Nation Media Group

What you need to know:

  • Generation Alpha uses smartphones and tablets naturally.
  • These children have grown up handling iPhones, iPads, and applications.
  • They don’t know or can't imagine how life was without them.

Q

Hi Prof,

I’m a father of two children; one is a seven-year-old girl and a one-year-old boy. The boy cries at the slightest provocation, which worries me, but I hope he will outgrow it. As for the girl, she seems to be addicted to the phone, especially her mother’s. She once changed the password of the phone, much to her mother’s distress. Her mother woke her up in the middle of the night to ask her to change it back! Most of the time, her head is bowed down as she plays with her mother’s phone. I know this is antisocial behaviour. She refuses to change the habit even when scolded. Please help us.

A

Readers’ responses


Who introduced the phone to the girl? Take it back!

Daniel Cherutoi

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Create exciting activities you and mum can do with the children, e.g., baking, watching animals, artwork, cleaning together, and reading stories.

Mama Mzuri

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First, you need to befriend your children. Secondly, instead of scolding, try other forms of discipline like rewarding and encourage favourable behaviour, withdrawing privileges like the phone she is addicted to or watching a favourite TV program. Buying them toys and bicycles also encourage outdoor playing with friends under adult watch. I hope this will help.

Damaris Mumbua Ngumbau

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Why can’t she buy her toys to substitute the phone and switch off or hid her phone whenever the daughter is around? She will only cry for a few minutes and then get used to it.

Tony Macharia

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Do you love them? Then withdraw the phone. My daughter was just like yours. Her school performance deteriorated so much that I decided to withdraw the phone and guess what? It worked! She improved in school and became number two in her class. 

James Ochomba



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Family Therapist’s Response

Your children belong to Generation Alpha, those children born from 2010, and will extend until 2025 according to researchers who track generations of children.

They are the first generation entirely born within the 21st century. They are also known as the iGeneration, and they are the children of the Millennials born between 1981 and 1996.

Generation Alpha uses smartphones and tablets naturally. These children have grown up handling iPhones, iPads, and applications. They don’t know or can't imagine how life was without them.

These children are not afraid of technology or touching buttons to learn what those buttons do. Alphas learn by doing. In the world of the Alphas, interacting with Artificial Intelligence and voice assistants is merely natural. Like your child mentioned in this case, the older Alphas who are seven years are more tech-savvy than their predecessors.

It's exciting for them

Technology is exciting for these children and has been known to make children hooked or addicted. As a parent, you may feel outsmarted or overwhelmed by your child’s technology intelligence. Or fail to appreciate that the new media is an essential component of the new literacy.

Your children need to be proficient in it but with limits as to what they access and how often they should be glued to technology gadgets. The dangers inherent in this relatively uncontrolled wired world are many and varied but often hidden.

The influence of the media on your child’s psychosocial development is profound, and hence your concerns are valid. Scolding is not a suitable method of helping your child use media responsibly since it does not appeal to the child’s understanding. To protect your child from the addiction of electronic devices and from developing personality disorders, you can do the following:

Explore technology with your child and discuss the pros and cons.

Allow the use of technology devices like phones for defined periods, not more than two hours per day since to avoid limiting their interactions with others and creativity.

You can involve your child in determining the times and duration they should use the electronic devices.

Explain the reasons some programs are not suitable and praise your child for making reasonable and appropriate choices.

Supervise the use so that children do not go overboard in the use of electronic devices.


Prof Catherine Gachutha is one of the pioneers of counselling in Kenya. She’s the director, Kenya Institute of Business and Counselling Studies-KIBCO. She’s the author of Management of Counsellor Burnout: A Counsellor Supervisor’s Handbook. Send your Mum2Mum questions to [email protected]