JUST BRENDA: My wife is not the woman I married

Sunday December 30 2018
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I want my family to be happy like before. PHOTO | FILE


Hi Brenda,

My wife makes me feel incompetent. She has changed from the woman I married. She talks back so much. She doesn’t do her wifely duties and she says I am not man enough. This is in spite of me providing for the family and doing my best to be a good husband and father. I compromise a lot but she never does the same. How do I make her see that relationships are 50-50 and we all have to work to make it a success? I love her and my children. I want my family to be happy like before.


Who was the woman you married, exactly? I am confused – did you not have conversations before the marriage? Why are you surprised that she is talking back? Because if she is not an infant and you are not a parent, then you should expect someone to talk back to you if they disagree with something you said.

Or is it the manner in which it was done that is offensive to you? And what exactly is her version of being man enough? There seems to be a distinct dissonance in what you thought the marriage meant and what she thinks it means.

I agree with you – compromise is actually essential to a marriage, and learning how to communicate with each other is too.


A partnership with no compromise is not a compromise at all, and you are simply a doormat or a bully.

There is no room for these in a functioning and fulfilling marriage.

Perhaps it is time to bring in a mediator or a counsellor, so you can re-evaluate your marriage and vows, and figure out how you two got here in the first place with such differing ideals.


Do you have a problem to share with Brenda? Please email: [email protected]