Why do we set such low standards for Kenyan fathers?
The father that “dares” to “do the woman’s job” of bathing his child will take a selfie with the poor little naked child, post it on Facebook or Instagram and get flooded with 100-plus comments of how “good” a father he is, how “cool”, how “liberal”. ILLUSTRATION| JOSEPH NYAGAH
What you need to know:
Every day, I see mothers hawking with their children on their backs, others skilfully balancing young tots on one knee while aggressively hawking their wares, even sparing a few minutes to call out to their toddler who has gone too close to cars or administering some tough love.
Where are the accolades for these women? Where are the accolades for the single mothers who tough it out to ensure that their children do not lack? Aren’t they, just like the single fathers, being good parents?
I know this question is bound to attract vitriol, but I will ask it all the same.
How come we go “oooh” and “aaah” at the sight of a father changing his child’s diaper but hardly notice it if it is a mother doing it? Isn’t he, after all, the child’s parent and should therefore do this as part of his natural duty as a care-giver?
There was a story recently in the Daily Nation about a single father of three who hawks in the streets of ***town with his 6-month-old daughter strapped on his chest.
The feedback section in the article was full of gushing comments such as, “He is such a good father,” among others, all praising his “goodness”.
Every day, I see mothers hawking with their children on their backs, others skilfully balancing young tots on one knee while aggressively hawking their wares, even sparing a few minutes to call out to their toddler who has gone too close to cars or administering some tough love.
Where are the accolades for these women? Where are the accolades for the single mothers who tough it out to ensure that their children do not lack? Aren’t they, just like the single fathers, being good parents?
The father that “dares” to “do the woman’s job” of bathing his child will take a selfie with the poor little naked child, post it on Facebook or Instagram and get flooded with 100-plus comments of how “good” a father he is, how “cool”, how “liberal”.
The mother that daily, religiously, bathes her little prince or princess hardly has time for the said selfies (Not with supper waiting to be cooked and served). Nobody thanks her for being “such a good mommy”. It is, after all, a woman’s job.
Why do we have baby-showers for women and not men? It is unheard of, nay, taboo, for a man to be seen or heard at such functions. They might be part of the WhatsApp group that helps plan the “Surprise” baby shower, but his duty will be clearly spelt out. Explicitly.
I go back to my question
“We know you are the child’s father, but your job is to keep the mother from finding out about the party, and to drop her off at the shower venue. Don’t ruin this!”
Little wonder, then, that everyday parenting tasks, if done by the father, are considered superhuman, but if done by the mother, are considered mundane.
It is not unusual to hear conversations like:
“So and so put the baby to sleep today, he is such a good father. Can you imagine a man soothing a baby to sleep? He is such a good dad.”
I cannot start explaining to you the many levels of ridiculous the above statement is.
Why wouldn’t a father soothe his baby to sleep? Isn’t he one of the first points of contact with his child? Doesn’t his blood flow in the child’s veins? Even if the child is adopted, has he not made the choice to be the father and shouldn’t he therefore behave in a manner to suggest that he is?
I go back to my question: why do we set such low standards for Kenyan fathers?
Granted, men and women are engineered differently. Women are indeed caregivers by nature, but to judge fatherhood by such low standards is as good as ridiculing them.
Hats off to the men and women who parent without glory. Parenting is tough enough as it is, without the shallow judgment that we have subjected men to.
