Learn how to build a deep, long-lasting love

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Photo credit: NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • Couples can survive all sorts of problems so long as they can solve the underlying issues.
  • You chose your partner because you desired each other.
  • Nobody tells couples that they should work on their sex lives.

Every relationship is exciting in the beginning as you fall in love and decide to spend your lives together. In those first moments, you probably weren’t thinking about becoming grandparents together, although that’s hopefully where you’re heading. But can you really imagine putting up with each other for that long?

If it were your looks that drew you together, how will you feel about each other when you put on weight, get wrinkly, and start to sag? We always say it’s forever, but it’s not really that easy anymore. In the past, most couples had no choice but to stay together. Nowadays it depends on how hard you’re willing to work on the relationship.

Serious troubles

And what about more serious troubles? Couples can survive all sorts of problems so long as they can solve the underlying issues. But you’re unlikely to grow old together if difficulties are never properly resolved.

So even if you’ve been together for years, and your relationship still brings you joy, you should constantly talk about it if you want it to last. Because it won’t stay on track if you neglect the basics.

So ask yourself whether you’re happy. And if you’re still the most important people in each other’s lives. Because you must be, if your relationship’s to last. Do you feel positive and secure? Can you discuss every possible issue without coming to blows? Everything from managing your money to your deepest fears? When you first met you never stopped talking together. What about now?

And what about your sex life? You chose your partner because you desired each other. But as the years pass, our priorities often change. So is sex still an important part of your lives? Do you talk about what you like doing in bed?

Reminisce about the good moments? Discuss things that didn’t work? Explore misunderstandings? Are you still wild and passionate together? Do you enjoy trying out each other’s crazy ideas? Or has sex just become an unwelcome chore?

Nobody tells couples that they should work on their sex lives. But they must, because that’s what really binds them together. So be adventurous lovers. Because if you are both able to talk honestly about your fantasies, and you’re willing to try them out, then you’re far less likely to stray.

Re-affirming your love

Which sadly does not happen in a majority of marriages. And because society tells us that infidelity is so devastating, many relationships that were working well end over a meaningless affair. But most don’t have to.

Because infidelity would be far easier to deal with if our expectations were more realistic. And we talked about how relationships really are, rather than some hopeful ideal. Like did you know you need to constantly reassure each other? Because being faithful isn’t just not sleeping with someone else. It’s also continually re-affirming your love. Accepting your partner for who they are, with all their faults. And constantly telling them just how much they mean to you.

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