MAN TALK: Has the new co-parenting trend gone too far?

I discovered some interesting websites while on a deep dive on the internet on some random night on a lonely Tuesday this week.

There is one called Modamily. Does it sound familiar? It probably doesn't. What about Pollen Tree? Ring a bell? And Pride Angel? I'm sure that you probabily dont know them and it's not your fault. They're all dating sites, of sorts.

They're platforms I probably would have used a year or two ago had I been aware of them. A few years back after a series of failed relationships, I mulled over the fact that I wanted children but I wasn't sure that I wanted to marry. I was at odds about how to make that happen. It was all a pipe dream, at the point.

It seems someone found a way to sort out this dilemma and it's been gaining traction over the years. Picture a dating site where you get to meet like-minded people like you who want to have children but don't have a partner? Can't imagine it? Go online and browse for the sites earlier mentioned. Think of it like the Tinder for (co)parenting.

Dating has evolved over the years and as it seems, so has parenting. Marriage has become less appealing to young men. Over time, they've seen the allure of marriage for what it really is—break-downs shortly after a big wedding and a messy divorce follows. But the desire to have children hasn't waned. In fact, during a time like now with the pandemic, the desire for children has increased. The thought of our own mortality has an increased impact on our sentimentality and libido. Modamily's numbers have actually doubled during the pandemic.

What are the different reasons that people are going ahead with this kind of arrangement? We can start with the fact that there's been a decline in the attractiveness of intentional single parenting, which at some point was all the rage and felt like the mark of independence. Single parenting is more intense than most people would let off, emotionally, psychologically, and financially and people are realising that they need help, through a co-parent.

Another context would be, people who initially wanted to be single parents but they now understand the importance of children having both parents to try to avoid the children having identity issues years later and having to fix a 'problem' they caused.

Some men are the eternal bachelors who suddenly wake up at 50 and realise that they are closer to death than they were to the day they were born. They also know that they're a sneeze away from retirement and that it would take years before finding a compatible partner and going through the dating motions before getting down to the baby business. What they need is a "baby chap chap" option.

An interesting reason I hadn't envisioned when I started browsing was men who already have partners, getting children with women who are hooked up. Why would anyone do that? There are many different scenarios but examples include men who have partners who already had children and who don't want to have more children or those who have partners who can't have children. The co-parents are the legal parents but their partners can play the aunty and uncle roles.

No matter the reason. I'm all up for the different ways of exploration of parenthood. The definition of a normal family as a nuclear family of father, mother, and kids and the single parent-homes as broken homes, has been demystified. There's no normal or abnormal when it comes to family structures and just because a family has a father and mother doesn't mean it's whole. Many people are realising now that they were in dysfunctional families which might even have been better if their parents separated.

My hesitance, however, is the complications that would come with regular co-parenting because people seem to look at this as an easier or simpler arrangement. It isn't. Clashes in scheduling and careers, differences in the co-parent's family structures, variation in parenting and discipline styles, and the bigger issue of trust.

 Trusting a complete stranger to be a good parent to your child is a huge risk. This isn't someone you know intimately and a few dates or chats aren't really enough to know someone. Married people discover new things about each other after years of marriage so how well do you think you would know someone right off an app?

It's a bold move, I'm not quite sure I have the courage for but I look at it as one of the many alternatives to parenting and not a replacement. It's certainly not going to be an easier alternative. There's no easy form of parenting apart from those who prefer to be dead beats. Would you consider this a viable option?