What you need to know:
- This week we advise a man whose dad rejects his choice of partner.
Hey, I'm 23 years old and I have a situation. I have a girlfriend whom we've dated for more than four years now. I had decided to make her my wife but the challenging thing is that she is from a different tribe. I was planning to introduce her to my parents but in the last family gathering, my father told us that none of his sons should marry a lady from that particular tribe.
He claimed the women are dishonest and they can't sustain the harsh conditions in our rural area. I am stressed and the only thing that gives me hope is that she was raised in a rural area. I love her so much and she loves me too but the problem will be my father. I want her to be the mother of my children and I don't want to end the relationship as she has sacrificed so much for me.
The solution is simple. Be firm. Let your parents know your stand. Also, remind and point out to your parents failed marriages within your own people. Most successful families are mixed marriages. Because they are based on true love. Visit your parents frequently with your fiancée and let her be involved with family activities. She should befriend both parents so that they get used to her. Eventually, your parents will see the person and not the tribe.
At 23, I would advise that you go slowly on matters of marriage. I don't think you are mature enough to start thinking of a serious marriage engagement.
You need to be sure of what you want in marriage before you get into one. The choices and selections require a mature age. As for your father's opinion, listen to his side of the story, and establish the realities. He may be stereotyped. I don't think that some tribes are 'unmarriageable'. It solely depends on how one is brought up. Your parents can only advise you on what to do, all others are entirely your decision and choice. Choose wisely.
Ouma Ragumo – Sifuyo
You need to be extra sensitive as you make a decision lest you end up losing your Dad's blessings for your marriage. There must be a good reason as to why he is against relating to that tribe. You can't ignore him for what young people see while standing, the older people see the same while seated! Your father knows more than you do. Look for ways to convince him even if it means involving those whom he can listen to.
Rev. Geoffrey Avudiko, Botwa, Kitale.
At 23 years, I think you are too young to be a husband. If you love this girl, be with her but get time to go and talk to your father one on one about it. With all respect, let him see why you want this girl. If you clock 25 plus and you're still with this girl, your father will know you are mature and will listen to you. Introduce the girl so that he can know her better. Move one step at a time. I know finally, you will win him over.
It's understandable your parents should have a say concerning the woman you bring home as your wife, but this does not mean they dictate who you marry. If indeed you love one another then try to give them valid reasons as to why you have decided to choose this woman. Your love life is only shared between two people, therefore there is no point in letting any third party interfere with the kind of happiness you want to have in your marriage life.
Parents will always have an opinion on what is best for their children. Your father is only looking out for you.
However, only you and she can decide to break up or stay together.
A parent will only begin to respect your decision and see you as an adult once they see what they thought wouldn't work working. For you to prevail and prove your father wrong about your girlfriend, for both need to be on the same page. You need to tell her what will be expected of her in regard to the rural conditions you mentioned.
Your teamwork and togetherness will be crucial to your relationship thriving amidst the doubts of your father. You must stand your ground and show the world that you can weather the storm as a couple.
If you fail her, then in your father's eyes she will have failed, so do not fail her, it is as simple as that.