Plain Truth: Rules on how to own your 'situationship' like a boss

A few weeks ago, a local musician inboxed a wannabe Instagram star. She was elated. He sent provocative, sporadic text messages over a few weeks and until finally, he asked her to go to his house. She asked whether he wanted her to be his video vixen. He said no. From the messages, he was clear that he wanted to get physical with her but perhaps hoping that maybe he would want to get to know her sparkling personality or that he would want to date her if he saw how funny she is, she went to his house. He sent her to the bedroom, and off she went. He asked her for sex and she got so offended that she ran to a blogger to try and ‘expose’ how he preys on women on social media.

There is something off about social media born relations. Maybe it’s in how someone can hide behind their phone and be whoever they want to be or how the men who hit on women don’t care enough to find their number and call. My friend is just disentangling herself from a ‘relationship’ she had with a man she met on Instagram who flipped her life upside down. When I ask her the one thing she regrets about 2019, she tells me it’s replying to his DM. Maybe more women should take this advice.

Anyway, I’m writing because from the sentiments the musician and the Instagram star incident has stirred, it’s clear that the Kenyan woman still isn’t clear about how a situationship looks. You know, that thing you have with a man which is not a friendship but which isn’t quite a relationship. So how does a woman know that she is sack in the middle of a situationship? And if she knows this, what can she expect from the man she is in it with?

First, if he isn’t officially your man, you aren’t in any position to be making demands. Not directly and not in the form of hints. You can try if you want but because he doesn’t owe you anything, you will just get frustrated.

The situationship is a powerless place to be. Still, there are women who willingly chose to have these arrangements. “I’m not looking for anything serious,” they say. Fair enough. It’s a free country. But don’t be upset if you find out that you are sharing him. If he says that he is looking for random play, if you accept to be with him, also accept the fact that he will be ‘playing’ with other women as well.

Because your relations are casual and you have had that conversation about the things you want from each other, you may begin expecting total honesty from this man. Don’t. Even if there is no commitment, he will still lie to you. He will tell you the things you want to hear to keep you giving the benefits he gets from you.

Finally, don’t force a situationhip to grow into a relationship. You might think you’ve had enough so you put your foot down and demand that he put a title on your relationship. Because he feels cornered, he might say he is your boyfriend but that won’t make him behave like one. If you want a relationship, find a man who wants one. You aren’t going to win with this one.

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