The first date

Consider this parallel; you are looking for a job. After some search, you identify one that fits you and you decide to go for it. The first thing you would do is register your interest and if the company that is offering the job finds you suitable, they will call you for an interview.

It is most unusual that you will hear anybody being employed without first going through an interview. That is the ultimate test; they have already seen your papers, now they want to assess you personally – your character, your motivation and your physical outlook – to make a final judgment.

That exactly is how the first date is like too – a test where you either emerge with a pass or a fail, and where the wheat is separated from the chaff. In a romance scenario, as in employment, many are chosen but only one is picked.

According to a recent edition of Ebony magazine, about 60 per cent of all relationships end up still-born; that means they die before they even take root.

Specifically, the magazine states, almost all of these relationships die during or immediately after the first date. It is because the most important aspect of knowing people comes from the first person-to-person contact.

And because people are very careful when it comes to matters of the heart, the bar is set especially high and many wannabes end up in the reject bin, disappointed and dejected.

So, what makes some people tick where others fail? And this is not just for teenagers out on their first romantic date but for those who have dated before and even married but are now pursuing a new relationship or rejoining the dating scene after divorce or a spouse’s death.

Composure:

When you walk into your first date, your prospect profiles you fixedly. In those first few seconds, you have to endeavour not to sell yourself short. It is not unusual to feel nervous when meeting important people for the first time.

Mostly, this happens as people do their damnedest to match the expectations of their date but cannot rise to the occasion. This, if uncontrolled, will kill your chance. It is the moment some hope a bomb would explode somewhere and give them an excuse to run away to avoid the intense visual appraisal.

The thing to do, though, is to meet piercing eye with piercing eye. It also helps to lighten up your face with a gentle but controlled smile – some smiles just give you away as being nervous.

Women can get away with a lack of composure – in fact, for them, this can come across as innocent and sweet. But a man who is caught shaking and fidgeting on his date is dismissed as being a wimp and undesirable.

Lack of composure also leads some people to talk some incredible nonsense which, to any eavesdropper, would be hilarious but to the love prospect, you may be committing love suicide.

Gifts:

A well-considered gift can do wonders to your chances of success. But some gifts would be either offensive or inappropriate. A first date is too early to bring flowers and too offensive to bring lingerie.

In fact, it is unthinkable that you would bring lingerie even after four dates. The norm is actually to bring nothing in terms of a gift on a first date. For older coiples it would be fine to bring flowers.

Avoid bringing something very costly as that may send the wrong kind of message – like you are trying to buy her love. People love gifts because they make them feel appreciated and well thought of and in the initial stages of dating, a simple but meaningful gift may help tip the scales.

Conduct:

The first date, as mentioned at the beginning of this article is an audition for love. Getting a chance to go out on a date does not imply that love has already developed. Far from it, it is the first opportunity in a long journey of becoming the first among equals. Of course, there are variations depending on situations and where people are coming from.

But for serious people, a first date normally precedes several more dates until sufficient chemistry has developed between the man and the woman to take their relationship to the next level.

For those who fail to impress, though, the very first date may end up sooner than expected, with the possibility of embarrassment, and be the only chance they get. It is imperative, therefore, that a high level of personal conduct is maintained.

It is possible that in the heat of the moment, and eager to impress, people may overdo a few things. Keeping things simple and controlling your emotions and indulgences is the way to go.

Food and alcohol should be enjoyed with proper measure. Women should resist the temptation to demand very expensive treats and should actually insist on paying their half of the bill unless there was prior agreement on this.

That will not be lost on the man and it will leave a lasting impression. The other important thing is how the first date ends up. Love takes time to grow and if any party insists on spending the night together on the first day out, that is a red flag.

Charm:

Perhaps the most important of all things in romance, charm is what gets your prospect enchanted. Charm breaks the ice faster than anything else can. It is a combination of wit, courtesy and sleek mannerisms delivered in an instantaneous and easy manner.

Everybody approaches this first meeting with considered caution and people are therefore a little stiff. But an injection of charm relaxes the other party and it warms them towards you.

For purposes of clarity, there are some rehearsed lines which people use to smooth up interactions. That is not charm. In fact this tends to repulse the other person. Charm is spontaneous and smooth. Men who are generally successful with women have charm to burn and it is also handy socially.

However, as with everything good, it is best used sparingly. Too much charm can embarrass your date and, in some situations, make them wary of your intentions. Any man who comes across as being too smooth always arouses suspicion in a discerning woman.

Outlook:

Before you even say your greetings, you may already have earned or lost some vital marks. Choose your wardrobe carefully for your first date. Granted, you are eager to impress. But there are obvious limits.

Endeavour to be sharp without being too elaborate in your dressing. That outrageously red lipstick and mascara or eye shadow (for women ) may unsettle your date and may make you look a clown.

Also to be avoided are revealing outfits. There is a time for everything. The first date is not the time to send sexual signals. Far from it, you should ensure your date clearly sees a high standard of sexual modesty and social decency in you.