Happy Quarantine week two everyone!
By now, you're probably on the margins of going a bit mad, not fully yet but just wait for the end of the month.
Have you started seeing things and hearing voices yet? Have they told you what you need to do? Not yet. Don't worry, it's coming in just a few weeks, you wait and see.
It's been a week which is a great opener for what to expect in the next couple of weeks. This week, people started to be bolder, more reckless and free online.
Several racy threads appeared online with lots of nudes. Twitter is the gift that keeps on giving. I really can't wait for what this week holds!
This week I've talked to people I haven't talked to in ages because, for the first time since we started working and life started getting in the way, we have time.
We may not physically meet but we can make calls, text, video call and even do Google hangouts if necessary.
This has been the week that Tinder messages are being responded to in record time. Suddenly people are feeling chatty and flirty because what are you going to do anyway? Go visit them?
Meanwhile, a friend of mine has been suspended from work. I was curious as to how and why.
Seriously, who gets suspended when you should be working away from home anyway?
I haven't thought of suspension since my high school days where one was sent home because of silly things like a school mate who hid and pretended to be the voice of God and convinced the deputy principal that he was getting a divine revelation.
So *Bahati has two kids out of wedlock. One of the children is by his wife and a second one by his side chick, who he has successfully managed to keep hidden for four years now.
Both of his kids are boys and are born around the same time. I didn't know about the second one too. A month or so back, so his story goes, his son by the side chick got ill and Bahati was broke.
He wanted to take him to a private hospital so he came up with the (not so) ingenious idea of checking his son in under the name of his other son (since the other one is covered under his work insurance).
CAUGHT OFF GUARD
He got away with it for all of half a day. He was bound to get caught. My mom, who is a nurse, has told me stories like this and their not so happy ending.
Usually, when you're sick and you call your insurance, there's a reason why an insurance representative physically comes to the hospital, and it's not because they love you.
There's also a reason why if it's a child who's sick, the agent usually goes directly to the child and greets them first before greeting you — to see their natural reaction to the name they are called because caught off guard, children are not as alert as adults and it will take them a while to get back to the lie.
By this point, the seed of doubt will already be planted. This is how Bahati's plan fell apart.
After trying to jump through all sorts of hoops and realising that there was no way out of it, he eventually admitted that it was his child but not the one covered by the insurer.
The only lie I've heard worse than the excuses he tried to give was a certain fellow who tried to refer to his baby mama as his child's guardian (which is technically true depending on how you look at it)
So now Bahati is home trying to pay off a Sh550,000 debt, which was the quick compromise with the insurance agency so they wouldn't prosecute him for fraud.
His workplace also gave him an unpaid suspension and he can't even tell his wife and kids the truth.
So this whole corona thing is a blessing in disguise, as he told his family that his workplace sent people home for preventive reasons.
He has dug himself into a deep hole. First, he got a side dish, then he impregnated her, didn't tell his wife about it, and now he is about to lose his job.
To make matters worse, his baby mama has threatened to expose him to his wife if he dares stops sending her money.
He made his funeral while getting a happy ending, so while I empathise with him, I'm not particularly overly sorry for him. Don't be like Bahati, make your own luck.