Things those in successful relationships do differently

There are women who have found love and women who haven’t. Ever wonder why some people succeed at relationships while other’s move from heart break to heart break? Here are things that those in the former group do.

Letting the past go – Most of the time, before you find a meaningful or lasting relationship, you will have experienced a break up.

The trick is not to let these past relationships or break ups define your current relationship.

Recognise that your present partner is not your ex and when things come up in your relationship you will be able to approach them with an unbiased mind.

Self-fulfilling prophesies – The things that you expect from your relationship will most likely come true.

If you come in expecting your relationship to fail after a while, chances are that it will fail. Self-fulfilling prophesies are powerful because when you think a certain way for several months, you begin to believe it and alter your actions to support your beliefs. If you believe your relationship is doomed, you may even end up sabotaging it.

Argue – Yes, argue. You are two different individuals and one of you will be lying if you carry on a relationship where you agree on everything.

The trick is putting it all out in the open, picking the positives from it and moving on from the rest.

HOW YOU ARGUE IS KEY

How you argue is also key in regard to whether it strengthens your relationship or weakens it. Make sure you don’t intentionally personally attack our significant other during an argument. Also, it is vital that arguments never turn violent.

Break-ups are not a solution – With the society becoming more accepting of it, if you ask the average couple what they would do if things got really bad between them, many will resort to breaking up and divorce.

Couples with long lasting relationships do not see divorce as a means to solving their issues.

They never think about divorce or break ups as an option when they are confronted by everyday small issues.

For this couple, it is the utmost decision to be taken only when it is truly inevitable. Divorce should be a taboo word; do not think about it, do not talk about it. During hard times, remember your commitment.

Reality checks – Even the best matched couple will need a reality call every now and then.

This entails realising just how important your relationship is and being ready to make the important decisions when they are called for.

KEEP YOUR STANDARDS HIGH

It maybe making a decision to spend less hours at your work place so that you can spend more time with your family.

Keep your standards high and hold your partner to these high standards. If you expect better, you improve your chances of actually getting it.

Be the change – The biggest source of friction in relationships often is waiting for your partner to get something right.

How about taking the initiative of making the change that you want to see instead of being judgmental? When your partner gets it right, vocalise your appreciation. You can make a habit of speaking out at least one thing that your partner did right.

Try harder – You need to deeply want a relationship to last. You need to invest in being physically present for him, love, loyalty and interest.

You can achieve this by taking sometime to understand the real reason that you are in this relationship. The ideal reason ought to be companionship. Yearning for this fulfilment will enable you to invest time, energy and even emotion into your relationship.

Other couples achieve this through humour.

You can have jokes that only the two of you understand that will help you smile and connect even when you are out around other people.

Keep your agreements – Starting from the bigger vows you may have made in front of the church and your family, it is important that you see through even the smallest agreements that you have with your significant other. Keeping your end of an agreement with your significant other breeds trust which is the most important ingredient in a relationship foundation.

*Lizzie’s World returns next week.