OFF MY CHEST: I loved a girl I've never met

It was during my second month at college when I came across this familiar face on Facebook. She confessed that she knew me.

“You always sit at the front during lectures no matter what,” she said, proving that she knew me. “The serious fellow who hardly smiles even at the most humorous of jokes!”

The following day, I searched for her among course mates in the lecture halls and even outside.

I did not see her. I did not find this strange as we had not agreed to meet. I had been trying my luck at confirming if indeed she was one of us.

In the evening, through a text message, I mentioned her absence and she said she was sick. She hinted at the fact the she did not get sufficient help at the college dispensary. This, everyone knew.

The doctors hardly ran any tests and irrespective of one’s illness, one was given painkillers.

ENGLISH PHONETICS

One of our courses for the semester was on English phonetics and as part of the semester tasks, the lecturer had asked us to draw the vocal tract.

We would use it to discuss the features of English sounds. This came a couple of days after I had without success looked for her.

A day earlier, I had seen her in class. However, she left before the lecture came to an end. She challenged me to a drawing contest. I thought she was only joking.

Then she asked me to bet and it dawned on me that she was dead serious on this. I was not afraid. To show her this, I said, “Loser takes winner to Kandiz café.” Kandiz was the one of the best cafes on college. She agreed.

Since childhood, I have always remained somehow introverted. I have always had a problem making new friends. And when I finally do, it comes after a long time of scepticism, I do not know for what.

The semester was now only one and a quarter month from over. I was desperately trying to get new friends. Every other person I knew had so many friends.

This worried me sometimes. To be honest, I was the loneliest person I knew back then.

It was very unfortunate that the person I was getting acquainted with and one whom I had given thought to get along pretty well with was ‘missing in action’.

VERY LONG CHAT

The evening following the one we bet on the drawing challenge, we had a very long chat that lasted about three hours. We exchanged our drawings on WhatsApp.

Our chats became so personal that we talked about our childhood memories and fears as well as our future dreams.

I told her that my dream was to run a bookstore. I would sit among books and read through and through. My ambition could bore one to death, she mused.

My drawing was far much better than hers. She then dropped in that she really wished she were around to take me to Kandiz. She was away in Kisumu and was not sure of the exact day she would return. Now that sunk my spirits.

Did I have any girlfriends?  She wanted to know.

I just mentioned I was having real trouble making new friends. But there was this dude who I met on admission day. He was my roommate and spoke my ethnic language. I spoke to him about her. He knew her. He laughed it off. I told him he could laugh but this was serious. I looked forward to the day she would come back so that we go on a date.

A fortnight later, another warning came. I had by then fallen for her, and was convinced she too had fallen for me. For me , the endless chats, the exchange of photos and the heartily voice calls could surely not be in vain.

This warning was to let me know that we would not have our late-into-the-night chats. When was she resuming college? I asked her. She brushed it off with one of those statements that lies between just forget about it and I assure you I will be there.

I was missing a person I had not even met with eye to eye. It was bizarre to me. You see, I am this shy young man, I had not even figured out how I would face her if we were to meet.

AT THE BUS STOP

One morning, I awoke to a message she had sent saying that she was at the bus stop. I had no time to pause and ask where. I was sure she was coming over to college.  I would finally meet her. I was delighted. Perhaps she was at the college bus stop. An hour later, it stung me that there was a heavy downpour. And her phone was off!

I became fearful after that day. Fearful that our so-called relationship was ending. Our usual three-hour chat dwindled to one. Day by day, our contact time reduced. It became unpredictable. Then she would only say ‘Hello’, ‘Good Day’and ‘Good Night’.

When I asked if anything was amiss, she said no. The end semester exam was beginning the following week, three days away. The idea that she could be sick slid off my mind.

On Saturday, when I could not bear it, I told her I had loved every minute we talked. She told me the feeling was mutual.

On the eve of the beginning of the exams, at around midnight, we began what would turn out to be our last chat, only I was unable to tell.

She failed to send any text message the following day. And when I sent her messages, she did not reply.

This happened the day after.  I did my exams and went home. A month later, I checked her on WhatsApp, what I saw was last seen one month ago.

I did not believe that one can come into one’s life, make them so comfortable and even feel loved and vanish, just like that.

Of the things I remember is lying on bed with my Nokia Asha 308, chatting with this lady.

A lady I thought I had known. I believe you must have guessed that I did not get to know he she looked while asleep, the touch of her hair and skin.

This was quite painful. I however remember her last name, which I cannot mention for every time it comes to mind, the painful memories comeback.

Sometimes I ask myself if she really existed. If at all that was her I had seen leave the hall before the lecture was over. And of course, I have never asked my friend how well he knew this mysterious lady.