MAINA: Are we happy plastic people?

I recently called a friend to find out if we could grab a cup of coffee and just talk. He happens to be one of the soberest people I know; not only because he is teetotaller but also because he is quite level-headed. He prides himself in being poster child for realism.

We only had one hour and I intended to maximise it completely so we ordered coffee to go and I began talking even before I settled in my seat.

I was recovering from a tough week; you know how they say that when it rains it pours? Despite all the misfortunes that had riddled me that week, I held my chin up and sprung into the office with a cheery smile on my face.

I was my usual talkative self and even shared a few memes with my meme-loving gang.

On the surface, life appeared to be going great for me. But the emotional turmoil that was brewing inside me was so intense I am surprised steam was not blowing through my ears.

‘NEVER DERIVE YOUR HAPPINESS FROM ANYONE’
My friend sat quietly and sipped his coffee for the first few minutes as I poured out my heart to him. We are both very chatty and along the way, we learnt turn taking because we realised it was the only way to edify one another.

When I finally stopped talking, he placed his coffee aside and held my gaze. I could feel the weight of my burden begin to slip off immediately.

He said a lot of things that may not be relevant to you dear reader, but there was one thing he kept reiterating:

" Marion, I have learnt to never derive my happiness from anyone. "
What he was saying was that the status of his happiness was not dependent on anyone. As I pondered on his words, I saw the truth in them.

People, including myself, are not predictable. Pegging your happiness on them is quite a gamble because they could let you down any time.

We cannot control how other people feel about us and if we are happy depending on their approval or affection for us, then we would be setting ourselves up for eternal misery. Who wants life of permanent sadness?

MEANING OF HAPPINESS
The events of the past few weeks have made me question what it means to be happy.

A few weeks ago, former TV host Kobi Kihara trended for all the wrong reasons after she was busted for plagiarising content online and presenting her life in false light.

Her made-up life sounded happy and glamorous and in all those posts she had a cheery smile that suggested her life was pure bliss.

In one of my communication classes, we were taught how to discern genuine nonverbal cues such as genuine smiles and I assure you, her smiles checked  all the boxes.

Which made me wonder, maybe the genuine happiness was drawn from admiration from her many fans? The lie was worth the happiness?

A few days after Sharon's murder came to light, I checked out her Facebook page after someone told me that many Kenyans were giving a lot of advice to the deceased lady.

Scrolling down her timeline, I saw happy photos of her enjoying delicious meals, sipping wine and tagging along shopping bags. She had a sunny smile in all these pictures. In retrospect, we know that she was having enough drama in her life such as a dysfunctional marriage and an illicit affair with a governor who impregnated her and now seemed to be abandoning her.

But she wore a happy face and seemed to be doing great.

My morning playlist features a jam from casting crowns called "Stained Glass Masquerade" and the lyrics go like this: Are we happy plastic people/Under shiny plastic steeples/ With walls around our weakness/ And smiles to hide our pain

Truth be told, we cannot be constantly happy and I am not suggesting that we become so.

Do we really need to show other people that we are doing great and life is beautiful even when we are struggling with one million problems?

RELIEF

There is a relief that comes with a truthful reflection about life. We also need to know that it is okay to fail, to not have it all together and to be flawed.

There is no shame in being vulnerable about what is happening in our life because then we save ourselves a lot of misery that comes with trying to prove a point; that we are wealthier, happier, healthier and more content than we actually are.

Sometimes we live as though we are actors on stage and an audience is out there watching our every move and we cannot let them down.

Well, if we were actors then we would be justified in trying to please everyone and measure up to their expectations because they have made time to come sit and watch the play and they have invested a lot of money to purchase the tickets.
In real life though, the audience is just a figment of our imagination. Sure, people will take a break once in a while and poke their nose into your business. They will hit “like” and be impressed by your suave lifestyle.

They will want to gossip and give their two cents on your life choices.... but that is just about it. Soon enough, they will have to move on and mind their own business because everyone out here is trying to stay alive. They will not feed their children with the gossip about your latest car, man or weight gain.
As my coffee date told me, happiness is an inside job. Do not peg it on people or things because that would be akin to building a house on the sandy land like that parable from the Bible.

Enjoying each day, each phase of life and detaching from the need to impress can be one of the ways to create your own happiness.

Being real with yourself and those around you could offer a much needed relief from the pressure of keeping up with a lie.

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