MAN IN THE HOOD: Blackouts have the worst timing

The feeling you get when power comes back is one of the best ever. It ranks up there with the feeling you get when you are promoted at work or when the government announces an impromptu public holiday.

You can even break into ululations when you see that bulb you had left on finally glowing. Equally, the feeling you get when power goes off is one of the worst. It’s down there as the feeling you get when you buy a plate full of your favourite food and it pours on the floor, rendering the whole meal inedible.

Why does power always pick the worst time to go off? It’s always when you are doing something important or you want to do something important that it disappears.

Maybe you are watching a really good movie. Everything is flowing smoothly like rum out of a barrel. Banter has been exchanged and picturesque landscapes luxuriated in. The action has been pulse-pounding; there has been no shortage of well-constructed twists and the protagonist has given a checkmate to all the villains.

Finally, he is alone with that special woman. His hands cup her cheeks and just when he is about to go for the kiss...BOOM. You are left staring at a dark screen.

Power has pulled a see-you-later because, why the hell not?
It's worse when power goes off just when you are about to watch the movie. You've completed all your tasks and figured it’s time to relax.

You position yourself perfectly on the sofa and just as you are about to press play.....BOOM. You are left in darkness. Worra crisis!

AWKWARD SILENCE

Then there are those days when a special visitor is coming. If you are a bachelor, it has to be a lady. It does not get more special than a lady.

Even the president of whichever country in the world could pass by your house but they wouldn’t be more special than a lady. Unless it is the Croatian president -- now that’s special. Did you see her?

So, you are really looking forward to meeting your female visitor. Before she arrives, you select some Eddie Grant or SZA music to set the mood.
As soon as the visitor sets foot in your house and hears the sounds of music and television, a high-voltage smile forms on her lips. She is thrilled by the showy bombast.

The tight hug she gives you tells you she is charismatic. She knows she's going to have a wonderful time at your place. You are hopeful that the chemistry is going to be off-the-charts.

Then BOOM....power goes off.

You try your best to make up for the lack of electricity by being a silver-tongued charmer. You narrate story after story, some boring, some good, but soon, your story bank gets depleted.

She isn't doing anything to help the situation either. She came with the 'impress me' kind of attitude so she doesn't try to cover up for your lack of words.

What is left is an awkward silence - a plateau. They say nothing kills seduction quicker than awkward silence.

Soon, both of you get chewed by the mental chaos of the boredom. She has the perfunctory enthusiasm of a bartender serving her 80th customer of the night. She's bored. She just wants to go home.

You know she won’t be coming back.

DERAILED

Or it's in the morning. You have somewhere important to be. Maybe it's an interview or a meeting with someone who might change the course of your career.

You've read in business blogs how image is king in these streets. Show up looking like a boss and everyone will treat you like a boss.

You have thus implemented that persona even though you are usually more nervous than Scooby Doo. You are not dripping panic from every little nozzle.

You are unusually relaxed and you have no doubt that you will upstage everyone else who wants the same thing you do from the person you are going to meet.

You shower and look for your favourite shirt. "Today I am going to kill it. For the next 12 hours or so, I am going to be the best-dressed guy in the country," you tell yourself.

However, you notice that the shirt has creases so you reach for the iron box. As soon as you turn on the switch...BOOM.

You wanted to dress like a boss? The power guys have shown you who is boss.

Sometimes it isn't even about timing. There was a scheduled maintenance on a weekday and you didn't know about it. A scheduled maintenance takes the whole day.

It's worse if this happens when you have nowhere else to be. Maybe, you just happened to have an off day at work. All your friends are busy so you can’t dial them up to make plans. Such days are usually the longest.

One minute seems like it has been multiplied by five and raised to power six. It’s tiring...just tiring.

Someone please save us from the sudden blackouts. Please!

Can’t an inventor just come up with a solar system that’s able to power millions of Kenyan homes at once? Whoever has that idea and wants help, I am willing to put on a lab coat and help with the research.

Holla at me! (I am poor at sciences and arithmetic so you’ll have to take me slow). Still, I’ll try. The effort is what matters, right?

I would do anything to end the sudden blackouts.