JUST BRENDA: Why is my girlfriend trying to change me?

Is your drinking and smoking worth your relationship, or not? Is it time that you stopped, or is she overreacting? PHOTO| FILE

What you need to know:

  • Perhaps when she met you, she thought the drinking wasn't at the level it appears to be when she is in it
  • You need to talk to her to realign her expectations of what you are and are not going to do

Hi Brenda,

I've been with my girlfriend for six months now. All of a sudden, she says she has a problem with my drinking and smoking, which I have done since before we started dating, in the years that she knew me.

Why is she trying to change me? Is this a deal breaker?

Dear Drinking Dan, 

Perhaps when she met you, she thought the drinking wasn't at the level it appears to be when she is in it. Or, perhaps she thought she can change you, which, as you know from any romantic movie ever, is the easiest way to end a relationship.

You need to talk to her to realign her expectations of what you are and are not going to do. Is your drinking and smoking worth your relationship, or not? Is it time that you stopped, or is she overreacting?

And most importantly - what is she going to try and change about you next, after she's 'fixed' this? Because of course there is something else she will want to change.

Yes, people change in relationships, but try as much as you can to change for you instead of for another person who seems to have a template of a perfect person in their hands that they want you to be.