OFF MY CHEST: Letter to my friend who died too soon

M,

My Dearest,

Its two years today.

Two years of grief.

Two years of missing you.

Two years of thinking of you.

Two years of unwavering love and emotions.

I vividly remember that fateful day, and the phone call that changed my life forever. 

Last time I wrote an open letter to you was nine months ago. And I told you it hadn’t gotten easier. It still hasn’t. I’m not sure it ever will.

But that’s okay. Because as much as I feel the pain, day in day out, I’m still grateful that you were a part of my life.

I’m grateful that even without your physical presence, I still get to learn from you.

Waking up was a struggle for me this morning. I couldn’t understand why, because it’s not like I was exhausted or anything.

HEAVINESS IN MY HEART

Then I remembered that it was Wednesday. The 24th. And I could feel the overwhelming heaviness in my heart.

I haven’t written in the last three weeks. Life has been winning of late, haha. But I allowed a break for myself.

I listened to my mind, emotions and body and I took a few steps back to regroup. Not that I’m there yet, but its better.

And when I got to the office today, I knew I had to write. To you, specifically.

So thank you, M. For pushing me out of my comfort zone. For being the gift that keeps on giving.

Thank you again, for the constant lessons on love, patience, kindness, vulnerability, appreciation and empathy.

And for helping me see and appreciate the beauty of this world.

I don’t think you have any idea of how much happiness you brought to the people around you. You were a light to many, and I only got to realize this on the days after your passing. It was surreal.

You were beautiful. Inside and out. You were caring. Nurturing. Kind-hearted. Supportive. Authentic. Pure. Loving. And real.

It really is a true honour to have known someone so genuine.

Heaven could not wait for you a day longer.

I miss you.

More than words could ever say.

The laughter, the mood swings, the road trips, the sleepovers, the dinners, the turn-ups, the udaku, the Central Park chilling- haha, the looong- and oppressively hot- afternoon classes.

It’s funny. I can’t remember the day we met, or how we even met. Haha. But I loved every minute of our rollercoaster. You were a true rider for me. Always will be.

I hope you are shining your light up there.

I know with all my heart that you’re always watching over us.

I’ll see you soon hun. But not too soon.

Until then, be sure that you’re always in my heart, and will be for a long time coming.

Love you forever, and a day after that M.