Dear future husband, this is how I envision our life

Friday February 14 2020

Most single women envision what they would like their marriages to be like; some of these expectations are influenced by fairy tale movies and soap operas they have watched. PHOTO | FILE | NATION MEDIA GROUP


Most single women envision what they would like their marriages to be like, with certain expectations of the man they expect to spend their lives with.

Some of these expectations are influenced by fairy tale movies and soap operas they have watched, not to mention reality shows, celebrity tweets and Instagram photos. They would like to introduce themselves to their future husbands to let them know they are getting themselves into.

All I want is authenticity

Elizabeth Gitau, lawyer, 25

Dear future husband, perhaps we went to preschool together, or maybe we said passing hellos along the university campus corridors. Perhaps we’ve held a conversation once or twice.

Maybe we are friends; maybe you know all my darkest secrets, or maybe we are yet to meet. Regardless, I feel it is necessary to say that I am at a stage in my life where everything makes sense, except when it doesn’t.


Life is revealing its true colours and I am learning to appreciate all the different shades. You see, I used to live a black and white life, but let’s bookmark that for the life lessons we will have to teach the next generation.

My dream at this stage feels too big and too unrealistic, but every morning I’m determined to believe in their reality.

I tend to be reserved but when you get to know me a little better, you will meet a friendlier, maybe cooler and slightly weird side of me.


Elizabeth Gitau, a lawyer. She hopes to find a spouse who believes in honesty. PHOTO | COURTESY

They say daughters search for their fathers in their prospective spouses, and while I am not sure how true that is, I do not find myself in that predicament.

My father is the only male in the family and thus had to take up professional roles to take care of the rest of us. He never complained even though he had to do it all alone.


It would thus be unfair of me to expect as much from you. All I ask is authenticity because that is what you will get from me.

Mainly because there has never been a need to lie since the truth always comes out. Maybe I should also mention that I do not wish to have a white wedding.

It’s really not something I grew up dreaming of, more so because I can’t go a whole day without peeing. I really wonder how they do it.

My ideal wedding day starts with exchanging civil vows followed by a magnificent dinner, preferably late into the night, and then dancing and drinking until dawn.

We will definitely have a conversation about the number of kids because, coming from a small family, I want a full house, with all the chaos that comes with it.

We will empower them so much and when they reach 18, we will kick them out. And every night after that will be movie night, mostly because we will be too old to go out.

We will definitely need strong coffee to stay awake, because at that age we will probably fall asleep before the opening credits are done.

Till we meet.

* * *

What I want is a hard worker

Rose Wambugu, writer/accountant, 25

Hey Mister, I know I will meet you someplace in the future (if I haven’t already), and as I look into my future, I can envision all the qualities I desire in you.

I would like to begin this list with the quality I consider most important, which is being a hardworking person.

This means paying attention to detail, striving to always be the best in your professional life, and being persistent in pursuit of your goals.

I do not want to mention finances as that almost goes without saying. We will require those to get by.

I am also really hoping that you have a solid spiritual foundation. I am striving to build one now and I think things will be easier when we are on the same page.

I know you will also be a virtuous man and you will be patient with me and other people when we fall short, as we sometimes will.

Integrity to do what is right even if that means making tough calls in life is something I look forward to.

Hopefully, you will have your affairs in order, or at least those in the major aspects of life. I respect the institution of marriage and I can only guess the amount of work it will require.


Hence, I don’t want to be in a situation where we are figuring out our marriage, our careers and our purposes all at the same time.

Just to share a highlight of my personality, although I suppose you will discover that in person and have a better understanding.

I am cheeky and silly when the chance presents itself — which is often. But overall, I am a bit laid-back and sort of an introvert who enjoys my 'me time' whenever I can.

I am all into personal growth and involve myself in anything that would make me a better person.


Rose Wambugu, a writer, wants a husband who is hardworking. PHOTO | COURTESY

I am one curious individual who tends to want to know how stuff works. So you will possibly find me trying to fix electronics before I have them checked out by you or an electrician, or I will be busy with woodwork activities in our house. I hope this doesn’t rub off as emasculation.

Boy, do I love good old manners like holding the door for me and being on time, or even treating everyone with respect.

I am working on my elegance as a lady, and I cannot wait to see us together being the perfect couple.

This is starting to sound like a fairy tale but rest assured I am wide awake.


Your future wife

* * *

You should be a man of few words

Star Njeri, film producer, 20

My dear future husband, I hope you are doing well, preparing for the day we walk down the aisle, say our vows and start our happy-ever-after life together.

Baby, I hope you are a man of few words to complement my talkative self, lest we find ourselves in a talking challenge.

Even if you are quiet, I expect you to have a fun side that you will use to help me relax when I’m angry and stressed out.

I’m very social and love having fun with my close friends, so I hope you will understand. But that doesn’t mean you do not plan surprise fun events for me and our babies.

Honey, I really love pets and will be over the moon if you have a thing for them too, because I want a chihuahua in our house.

I would like you to be a hardworking man capable of providing a good life for our kids and at the same time spending ample time with me and them.


Star Njeri. She loves pets and would, therefore, prefer a husband who loves them too. PHOTO | COURTESY

As busy as you might be, it is paramount that you be clean, smell nice and fashionable. I want to walk around, arms locked with a handsome, fashionable man.


I’m stubborn. But if you look at the bright side of that, it can be a way to break the formality between us and help us enjoy each other’s company.

I’m passionate about things like music and acting, so I hope you will not in any way try to stop me from pursuing them. I love a luxurious, cool lifestyle, by the way.

Lastly, I’m human and, therefore, bound to make mistakes. When that happens, do not pick a fight with me as you point it out.

That will just annoy me because I do not like arguing — but who does anyway? I would appreciate it if you could find a polite way to point out the mistake, instead.

Till then,


* * *

I hope you’re kind, smart and generous

Vivian Achieng, teacher/musician, 23

My charming future husband, if you are reading this, you need to know you mean the world to me. You are special and I value you.

I want to share my life with you, hoping that we will be able to bond, respect, handle and cherish each other.

I completed college education and I'm currently passing down knowledge to students as my day job.

A simple life full of happiness and peace is what my simple self wants. Some people call me bubbly because I smile a lot and do not get angry easily.

When I want to unwind, you will possibly find me singing, travelling, reading novels or swimming, just to mention a few of the activities I enjoy.

I want a kind, responsible, smart and generous man, and I believe that man is you.

I want you to know I love you so much, although sometimes I might not be the easiest person to be around. I can be crazy, stubborn and angry, and I apologise in advance.


It would be awesome if you were the person I can feel silly with. Be that guy who makes me smile when my world is falling apart (that will definitely happen).

There will be times when things are tough and seem to be beyond repair, but l hope you will be willing to work it out and grow through the arguments, disagreements, misunderstandings and hardships.

Let us be real and great without giving up on each other, every single day.

I want you to know a bit about me and get a feeling of what you are getting into, with the aim of helping you develop the right tactics to handle it all.


Vivian Achieng. She wants to marry a man who can make her smile when her world is falling apart. PHOTO | COURTESY

Did I mention I have a huge heart? Well, I do and tend to make myself available when a friend requires my help, regardless of the time they reach out.

It is my nature to be very compassionate and loving. Please do not take advantage of that. I’m also generous.

In case people take advantage of me and break me, kindly be there to help me pick up the pieces and get back on my feet.

I’m a spontaneous, impulsive woman and I want you to hold my hand through this journey until the end.

I’m ready to love all of you, including your flaws. I will learn to understand and respect our differences, because I’m sure there will be a few, considering that we have different personalities.

I want you to know that, no matter what, my love for you will never stop growing.

I want to make memories of a lifetime with you because I choose you as my soul mate.

Yours in love,

Future wife