MAINA: Purpose to give this festive season

Giving is the magic of Christmas season. 

PHOTO| COURTESY

What you need to know:

  • From her, I learnt that we do not give because we do not need but instead, we give to bring joy to others, to touch lives and to offer hope.
  • By the time I got into my teens, I was mobilising outreach visits to the less fortunate on my own initiative.

Every time I think about giving to charity, my mind goes back to this incident that happened when I was around eight years old.

During the December holidays, my mother would make us pack up all the clothes we never wore and we would go to give them to one of the nearby children homes.

One day, my mother pulled out one of my favourite dresses from the wardrobe and tossed it on the bed. I looked at her puzzled, “Mom, why are you mixing up these clothes?” She did not answer me immediately but added two more dresses to the donation pile on my bed.

She then turned to me and said, “Those dresses do not fit you anymore. You do not need them.”

TOO PRETTY TO GIVE AWAY

I knew she was right, I had put on a few pounds and the dresses could not go past my neck. Still, I was not willing to let them go. They were so pretty and I had worn them for a very short time.  The rest of the clothes in the donations bag were also pretty but they were old. I was over them, so to speak. In fact, I was happy to give them out and create room for the new dresses that my parents bought for us each Christmas. 

“But mom!  You bought me these dresses a few months ago. This white one I have only worn it twice to church. Oh and this pink one…mom this pink one fits me!” I blurted out holding each dress up frantically to prove my point.

THE PINCH OF GIVING

My mother watched me calmly as I slumped down after that short tantrum then she sat down beside me.

“Your father and I are getting new Christmas clothes for both you and your sister. They will be pretty dresses, just like these ones. But those children at the orphanage may not get any pretty dresses for Christmas.

So you will give them these dresses and then we will get you others,” my mother said with a quiet finality in her voice.

Our parents allowed us to express our discontentment freely and I never missed an opportunity to assert my opinion. However, I knew when not to push it and at that particular point, I could tell my mother had decided that we were going to give out the dresses. Later on, I watched as a young girl twirled about happily in my white lace dress.

I could not deny the fact that she wore it way better than I did. My mother smiled at me discreetly and I smiled back with a tinge of sadness that the dress was gone for good.  That was the first time that I felt the pinch of giving.

WHY WE GIVE

As I grew older, I faced more challenges with giving and although my protests were subtler, they were still there. It took my mother’s patience and consistency to adopt a habit of giving and appreciate the joy of relieving the need of others.

From her, I learnt that we do not give because we do not need but instead, we give to bring joy to others, to touch lives and to offer hope.  By the time I got into my teens, I was mobilising outreach visits to the less fortunate on my own initiative.

REWARDING

Giving is not easy and it does not come naturally because human beings are instinctively selfish. We seek to survive and thrive hence anything that threatens that aspiration is not readily welcome. Back to that incident when I was eight, giving out those dresses meant that I could no longer wear them and look pretty. It never occurred to me that there was a child somewhere who did not have someone to buy her a pretty dress.

I am never shy to encourage people to give to the needy because I know first-hand the joy of meeting the needs of others.

Sometime last year, I was quite broke and could not afford to give cash to one of the charities I am involved in and so I decided to give my time. I showed up at the centre for three months almost daily and contributed my expertise to lay out resource mobilisation strategies.

It was very rewarding. Another time a friend dragged me along for a visit to a certain home for the elderly and it was pure bliss. We did manicures for them, listened to their never-ending stories and because old people have a sweet tooth, indulged in delicious cakes.

Giving pushes you out of your comfort zone; it is a deliberate effort to do something for someone who may never repay your kindness.

When we give our time, material possessions, company and love, it nourishes our souls as much as it touches the heart of the recipient. It is a win-win situation.

DISCOURAGED

One of the hindrances of giving is that we feel discouraged when our act of kindness goes unappreciated. Whereas this is a valid concern, I have learnt to examine the reason for my giving. Am I giving so that I may be liked? That will be betting on shaky grounds because we can never really control what people feel about us.  The question to ask instead should be: What would I wish to receive if I was in their position?

As human beings, we have so much in common and our needs are more or less the same. The person who pops in at a fancy joint to grab a bite and the beggar on the streets who stretches out his hand to receive a bunch of bananas from a passer-by both seek to fulfil a similar need; hunger.

By examining the situation a needy person is in, it becomes very clear what you can do to help.

The priority is to help meet that need, if in the process they end up liking you for it, then that is a bonus.

As we kick of this festive season, I encourage you to try out the act of giving.

Give a word of encouragement to that friend who feels like their world is crumbling, wouldn’t you want to get uplifted if you were in their place?  Drop off a back of snacks at the local children’s home this Christmas, wouldn’t it give you joy to see your children gleefully enjoy some candy?

Surprise that struggling mother with a bag of shopping so that she can also cook chapatis for her kids this Christmas. A friend recently told me that we never have too little to give and what we think is little may actually mean the world to the next person. Giving is the magic of Christmas season.