ONEYA: The needless pain of the first day of school

My earliest memory of my first day of school is of me running after my mother’s car, screaming in terror.

By the time my teachers realised what was happening, my mother had seen me and taken pity on me. She scooped me up in her arms, bundled me into the car and took me back home.

It was one of those rare times my mother, a primary school teacher and strict disciplinarian, allowed me to abscond school.  

I cried all the way home and said I never wanted to go back. I must have thought school was a place where mothers went to abandon their children.

TOOK ME BACK TO SCHOOL

Mother took me back the next day, where this time, I’m told the teacher labelled a handkerchief with my name and pinned it on my chest. In retrospect, I think she wanted to be able to shout my name in case I ran out of the classroom again.

The story goes that I relaxed at parade time when I saw the familiar face of a family friend, a certain Sospeter, who was a kindergarten teacher, standing across from me. I shouted excitedly at him that I wanted to use the toilet. My mother never got tired of telling this story.

An embarrassed Sospeter walked me to the toilet and pointed the potty out to me. He then gently adviced me to call my teacher the next time I wanted to use the toilet.

I had found a friend who made me realise that school was not a horrific place full of strangers, after all.

SAME SCRIPT

30 years later, the scene would replay itself when I took my daughter to school.

Only that this time it was preceded by an inordinate amount of selfies which she delightedly took with me.

She was fine at the reception too, and as we filled in the necessary forms, she used her waiting time well to dress and cuddle her dolls.

Until I took her to her classroom and left her there.

She started screaming the minute I handed her over to the teacher who held her in a vice-like grip. My daughter did not stop screaming until twenty minutes later, I was told.

She also punched the poor teacher several times.

I could hear her screams even as I drove off.

She vomited all her breakfast out and would refuse to make eye contact or speak to the teacher for nearly six months.

HATED SCHOOL

My daughter repeatedly told me that she hated school and hated her teacher, even lying that the teacher slapped her every day in a bid to persuade me to let her stay home.

My daughter’s reaction is not unique.

A little boy from Nyahururu was recently pictured in one of the local dailies being forcefully taken back to class by older pupils and teachers on his first day of school.The frightened boy had tried to run back into his mother's arms after he was registered.

Every January, newspapers are splashed with photos of terrified, crying children clutching their mothers' hands or wailing their hearts out as they are escorted to class.

Obviously, the first day of school is often a traumatising experience for children and schools often do nothing to cushion their pain.

GUILTY

My daughter’s teacher, for example, told me to: “Just go and don’t look back.” It felt a little like what was said by the Lord to Lot and his wife in the bible. The Book of Genesis describes how she became a pillar of salt after she looked back at Sodom after being warned not to.

Fearing that I would hinder her progress in school, I rushed away.

I felt guilty leaving her there. Guilty that I had not prepared her in any way for the painful change.

A parent shared on Facebook about how she had taken her daughter to visit the school and allowed her to play with the other children before enrolling her.

She allowed the girl to participate in shopping for her uniform and answered all the questions she had about school.

But not all of us are equipped with such wisdom, and schools should do all that’s possible to make the separation process less traumatising.

A friend explained to me that the school he takes his son to allows parents to stay in class with their children for as long as they want or until the child gets used to the idea of school.

“By the third day, my daughter was eager to get to school and urged me to leave, “ he said.

Perhaps it’s time more schools considered such options.

The Kenyan school system is already traumatising enough with the endless examination and backbreaking homework and a smooth first day of school could go a  long way in easing some of this guaranteed stress.

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