LIFE BY LOUIS: The ugly side of the tea bonus
Come bonus payment, he would disappear to the local shopping centre and camp there until he had spent the last coin of his bonus. ILLUSTRATION| IGAH
What you need to know:
- I fondly remember one old man in our village who had acres of land planted with tea bushes.
- In the course of the year he was all quiet and law abiding while toiling in his farm.
The final bonus payment for the tea farmers is due this week.
Popularly known as the tea bonus, this payment translates into a national event. Thanks to the mainstream media, the impending payment is broadcasted countrywide, effectively making all the roads to lead to the erstwhile dusty villages that become awash with cash when the payment lands.
I was in my village this weekend to scout for business opportunities during the last bonus payment. I was hoping to source for and sell wheelbarrows and wellington boots to the tea farmers whose purchasing power is soon going into a spike.
I however realised that I came one person too late. My previously sleepy village was now alive with several private investors and venture capitalists roosting in the shopping centre and its environs.
They were full of savvy ideas on how to peacefully transfer the bonus payment into their pockets and offshore bank accounts.
BUSINESS EXECUTIVES
When I went to my local outlet in the evening to discuss important national matters with my fellow clansmen, I discovered that fresh Alcoholic Beverages Sales Assistants have been hired. I also noticed several light-skinned ladies who introduced themselves as business executives specialising in the male hospitality and entertainment industry.
I later learnt that they are actually expatriates from far away counties who had come and share the bountiful harvest with the farmers.
I fondly remember one old man in our village who had acres of land planted with tea bushes. In the course of the year he was all quiet and law abiding while toiling in his farm.
Come bonus payment, he would disappear to the local shopping centre and camp there until he had spent the last coin of his bonus. He used to boast that he was only eating the leaves while the entire plant was still intact in the farm. The first thing he did with the payment was to buy himself nice suits and shoes, but that was as far as his financial prudence went.
Every morning, he would be the first customer in the banking hall where he would emerge with wads of cash stashed in his inner pockets. He could not touch his alcoholic beverage if there was no female company pouring his drink and gently caressing his forehead.
They would later retire away together when he was heavily inebriated, and your guess is as good as mine what happened to the rest of the money in his pocket. He would repeat this cycle every day until the cashier at the other end of the counter told him that his account was dry. It was only then that he returned to his family looking all dishevelled and remorseful.
The way some farmers utilise their bonus is a masterclass on how not to manage your finances.
Unbeknown to many including immediate family members, most overzealous farmers will have visited the banking institutions and requested for an equivalent of a bonus advance.
The cost of this facility is steep, and this further eats into the bonus bounty. When the final bonus comes, it finally dawns on everyone that what lands on the table is just loose change.
We can learn a lot of lessons from the tea bonus payment.
The wise man from my clan once said that you should not disturb the mother hen that is brooding. It is likely to drill a hole on your hand with its nasty beak, and you are also more likely to lose the eggs that are intended to hatch into healthy chicks.
Unless it is an emergency, do not disturb your bonus until it is finally due for full payment. Don’t fall into the temptation to pluck off some bonus advance, however tempting the idea seems. A final lump sum payment can take you places as far as your investment plans are concerned.
Finally beware of all the expatriates and savvy business people who only hover around you when the bonus payment comes.
They are likely to give you financial tips that will only work in their favour. Some of them are just there to caress your forehead and temples with one hand as the other hand is busy harvesting crisp notes from your inner pockets.
They are just intent on leaving you in misery for the rest of the year.
