‘What I know about love’

My first memory of love was in kindergarten.

The first night I came home from school, Mama decided I was too old to sleep in her bed. This is how I found myself in my own bed some three metres away from hers.

I slept fitfully that night, unused to sleeping without the warm embrace of Mama. I woke up in the wee hours, and scampered her bed. The result of having a bad dream of crocodiles chasing me.

Her bed was warm, and that is how I have always thought of love; as warmth. Perhaps this explains my failures in the love department in my adulthood. I have grown to expect love to flow as a mum’s does…freely, effortlessly.

I recently had a nice chat with some of my male friends who are in loving relationships.

I was curious about how one finds love find love in this modern age. I’m choosing to share those lessons with you this Valentine's Day.

PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE

I hate this lesson because it means getting out of my comfort zone and actually trying to actively find a mate.

I suck at having conversations especially with romantic interests. There’s always that gremlin at the back of my mind that asks silly questions.

What do I tell her? Will she find me interesting? Does my face look date-worthy? But I have learnt that any girl will give me at least 5 seconds of her time if I approach her nicely.

I make a point of meeting new people in the social events that I attend. I spot a new person, wait for an opportune moment (there never is one), walk over and say hi.

Within 15 seconds, I can judge whether she wants to continue the conversation or not. I should mention that churches are fertile grounds for this; the ladies there are a lot nicer.

EMBRACE FAILURE

Of the women I talk to, 70 per cent do not want to see me again. This is unfortunate but true.

The other 30 per cent have at least an inclination to pursue a conversation beyond the normal social niceties.

I used to get particularly peeved when I liked a girl and she did not like me back. A friend of mine pointed out that a woman owes me nothing.

This is very true. She does not owe me her time or effort. I therefore take the chances I get a lot more seriously now.

I am also, willing to fail, and to fail often. Who knows, maybe the girl of my dreams will take pity on me someday.

DRESS THE PART

I have no problem with getting out of my house looking like a homeless man.

However, no one wants to be seen with me when I look like that. I also noticed that when I dress a little sharper, it is easier to get a conversation started with people. I get treated with a little more respect, as if I more deserving of attention. This is the world we live in, where I am judged first by my clothes. Then the heart follows.

BE NICE

I always thought nice guys never got the girl. This is the result of years of programming from watching American movies.

They always make sure the bad boy gets the girl. I think this is only true for the younger kids, especially as they rebel from their parents.

Now, I meet women who genuinely prefer a nice guy.

A girl I dated always liked that I would help her carry her bags even when they weren’t too heavy. In that particular instance, the nice guy (me) won.

JOIN SOCIAL MEDIA

I have been on social media for almost a decade now. In the past, I have used it to keep up with old friends and new ones. But I have not been leveraging on social media properly. There are lots of Kenyans online.

The single Kenyans outnumber the hitched ones by a mile. I have made up my mind this year that I will be sliding into a lot more inboxes this year.

It is my third resolution after working out and eating healthy. The first two resolutions have not been working out too well. I firmly believe no one enjoys being on a treadmill or eating raw spinach.

But everyone loves beings on social. I recently slid into a fine lady’s Instagram inbox. She has agreed to meet me after Valentine’s. You can help support a brother via the Paybill … just kidding!

We will invite you to the wedding.

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