OFF MY CHEST: What dating with a disability is really like

In a world that’s technically built for the able bodied, dating as a differently abled person is doubly hard.

Trust me; I’ve had my fair share of troubles finding love.

Physical limitations are a part of a disabled person’s life, facing countless barriers every day.

We often have a routine to make things easier. When it comes to dating, minor things can require major planning and preparation.

Usually these are the questions that follow suit; where do we get an appropriate taxi? Does the building have an elevator? Does the restaurant have a ramp?

Is it too noisy or crowded to move around freely? All these things and more have to be taken into account.

But it’s not all gloom. I once went on a memorable date  with this guy where not once did it fell like my disability played a part or affected him. We were just two people genuinely having a good time talking and hanging out. My disability was not a topic of conversation the whole night; I was simply a woman he was interested in.

BIGGEST OBSTACLE

 In my opinion, the biggest obstacle to dating is social perceptions; I always find that people think that those of us living with a disability are either asexual or 'undateable'.

People often think about how our disability will inconvenience them, rather than trying to consider if the relationship will work. I wish people knew that we‘re like everyone, with just a few barriers.

I’ve done my fair share of online dating and while it was fun at times, I’ve also experienced rejection.

I always try to be upfront about my disability, sometimes disclosing it on my dating profile and including a picture with my crutches into the mix.

In the words of pop singer Anne Marie:

“Love every single part of my body, top to the bottom. I’m not a super model from a magazine, I’m okay with not being perfect cause that’s perfect to me.”

My dating life has been bitter sweet. I sometimes meet men who are uncomfortable with my disability, stopping conversations once they find out or having to answer strange questions about having a disability, like ‘Can you have sex?’ and the outright weird that go ‘You’re too pretty to be disabled’, to potential dates who thought it was weird if they liked me.

While also meeting guys who accepted my disability, assisting me whenever I needed it, simply moving chairs out of the way at restaurants, just being helpful without it being too much.

Even if those dates didn’t turn out to be long term relationships I learnt valuable lessons, for every person that rejected me for my disability there was a person who didn’t.

If you reject someone with a disability, you might be forgetting that we all might have a disability in some way, it might not be visible so don’t assume to be superior.

Dating with a disability is always a challenge, whether it’s online or going on a blind date.

Don’t be afraid to make a connection. There is no correct way to do it. Don’t let the rejections get you down that’s just a part of life.

If you’re honest about who you are and what you want; there is always a door full of possibilities waiting to be opened.

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Nicole Mballah is a freelance writer and social media disability influencer who helps educate and advocate on disability rights building and promoting disability awareness in Kenya. 

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