DALLIANCE DIARY: C’mon now, leave married men alone!

Thursday March 24 2016

What leads men to cheat with a woman below the league of their wives?

What leads men to cheat with a woman below the league of their wives? PHOTO | FILE 

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If you know your Bible well, perhaps you can tell me which verse declares that all sins hold the same weight. That a murderer will share the furnace with a pencil thief sounds grossly unfair.

You see, there is a group of sinners who negatively fascinate me. Imagine you are about to sign a million dollar deal, and there is that one pen you always carry around for such special occasions.

You reach for it, only to realise that somebody nicked it. Now, as you are walking out of the boardroom with the million dollar contract in an envelope under your armpit, you pass by some desk and see a gold pen – not as good as your stolen one, but still a

gold pen. What would you do? Nick it, or look the other way? If you tick the first choice, you are going straight to hell.

This is the group of sinners that subjects innocent people to crimes that they (the sinners) have suffered from.

It’s a breed so evil, that I believe it is okay to blame them for all our personal woes; for lack of world peace; for the current heat wave (what is that about?); for the lions roaming the estates; for Nairobi traffic jams – even for hormonal imbalance.

Case in point. Woman married for six years. She has never wandered out of wedlock – she claims she has never even fantasized about being with another man; I took her word for it. Unfortunately, she has a philanderer for a husband.

Before she snapped and walked out of her matrimonial home, she caught her cheating man at least three times in the act.

Her decision to walk out on an untrustworthy man is within reason. Cheaters defect the trust gene, and living with somebody you do not trust is a sure way to psychological hell and not many people are hardened enough to live like that.

A cheating spouse is a personification of some crime against humanity, especially if this cheating spouse publicly declared to be faithful and all the lovely words that come with it.

Some people are able to forgive cheating spouses 70 times 70 times; this particular woman was only able to forgive three times. 


Granted, she was hurt. I emphathise with her. But for somebody in her position, she does the unthinkable; she starts sleeping around – not just sleeping around, but she does it, exclusively, with married men.

This is where she and I part ways. This is the woman who, by her own admission, spent sleepless nights crying because of all the hurt her husband and the other women caused her.

This is the same woman who once believed that women who sleep with other people’s husbands should be taken to The Hague – some people have died from broken hearts, you know.

She has lost count of the number of married men she has entertained, she no longer cares. A couple of times, she has been involved in altercations with wives of these men and she has arrogantly defended herself, that she is not the keeper of their husbands.

That is true, but one has to wonder what sort of kicks she gets knowing that some woman somewhere spends all her nights crying like she once did.

Am I blaming her for the cheating husbands? Certainly not. The issue is, after all she went through, and granted that she should have lost faith in the marriage institution, she should even as much as look at any man who is ‘slightly’ married.

She is probably getting her kicks from dumping these men, but why does she think the world is all about her and her hurt ego? So, perhaps she is ‘punishing’ married men in general – I don’t know how, I am fumbling with possible answers here.

Are these men even aware they are being punished? It’s not like they are looking for a commitment, so it would not really matter if she only saw them once or twice.

The point is, she becomes an agent of an innocent woman’s tears. Perhaps she thinks she is helping these married woman ‘realise’ that their men are cheats, but who asked for her help? Anyone?

Whatever her reasons are, my conclusion is that she is worse that the ‘single’ mpango wa kandos – at least they could argue that they do not know how it feels like to be married, so they cannot empathise.

Would it be safe to assume that this woman has some sort of self-harming psychological disorder; re-living her own experience for whatever psychological (dis)satisfaction?