While yours truly was away …

Since January, I have received tons of emails from people wondering what’s up. Well, life is not static. Especially for a divorced mother of five boys. It’s a rollercoaster.

Here’s what happened while yours truly was away …

I graduated from “Tough Love University”

My firstborn, Peter, is a strapping 25-year-old. Although he lives alone, I find myself calling him to check on his whereabouts and how he is doing. There are times I yield to the urge of sending him some money for his upkeep. I keep vowing and breaking my vows, that it will be the last time, that I will stop babysitting him.

It is specifically funny when he comes to visit while dressed in rugged clothing, which I’m told is the fashion right now. Again, I find myself mothering him. Telling him how to dress. Telling him what’s acceptable and what’s not.

I developed a sixth sense

God mixed up my family real good. I have a set of twins, Baraka and Gabriel, in their terrible twos; five-year-old Israel, aka Issa, who has autism spectrum disorder (ASD), and will never take no for an answer, even from the indefatigable twins; and nine-year-old Joshua, who is the unofficial man of the house. Being a mother means having eyes everywhere, and possessing a sixth sense. Sometimes when I’m in the bathroom answering a call of nature, I bark out orders …

“Barak-a-a-a! Stop it! Now! That toy belongs to Issa.”

“Issa-a-a-a! I can see you. Drop it!”

“Gabriel, I know what you’re doing.”

Believe it or not, from behind closed door, I can tell by the intensity of a cry who is terrorising who, and for what. The first action I take, while still inside the bathroom, is to rescue the victim, and then I continue with the business at hand.

In my house, toys are not just toys. They are real possessions. They can easily lead to Third World War if mom does not act in real time.

I became the queen of DIY

In the bathroom, reaching for the rack is another tall order. We keep unscrewing the racks and fixing them higher, where the twins can’t reach them. These two have the habit of putting everything they find in the bathroom right into the toilet bowl and then trying to flash it down. Which means that toothbrushes are no longer placed by the sink, because they will end up down the toilet.

I learnt the ethos of a perfectionist

Issa is a perfectionist. This trait clashes badly with the twins. For Issa, (thank God for such milestones), now we do not have to go to the bathroom together. Because he has ASD, toilet-training took more years than it ought to.

Issa can now take care of bathroom business as long as things are in the right place. The toilet roll has to be at the place where it is supposed to be. Plus, it should roll out in the same way always.

If Issa finds that the tissue is even hanging at an angle, he will not sit on the toilet bowl. And if he is really pressed and cannot hold his bowels, this will result in a mess, which I will be forced to clean.

I became a barber

Tight economic times call for tight economic measures. Every month, I don a barber’s apron and cut my boys’ hair. I am armed with assorted barber equipment and sanitisers. 

 The other day a neighbour was asking me where I take the boys for their haircut - she looked very surprised when I told her that I so it myself. the result is that, due to the boys’ restlessness during haircuts, the house always needs multiple cleanings. But I can live with that.

This is the diary of Asunta Wagura, a mother of five who tested HIV-positive 29 years ago. She is the Executive Director of the Kenya Network of Women with Aids (KENWA).

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