Bye folks! You have been great

When this column turned 500 weeks old, I went on and on in a 900-word piece, thanking readers and non-readers alike, and in my unusual modest manner, almost apologised to many who might have been hurt by some of the pieces.

That was 11 weeks ago, meaning that today, this column is nine weeks short of 10 years… and I have both good and bad news for the most valuable readers who have stuck with me, or rather, with Claycourt, since August 20, 2004, when it first appeared in the Weekend magazine pullout.

On that Friday, the page had three short articles, rants more or less, about Safaricom, Kenya’s foreign policy and a Kenyan boxer who had failed a drug test at the 2004 Olympic Games.

At that time, Safaricom was considered the better option on all days that do not start with the letter “F”, when calls could not go through.

However, Safaricom’s management was very magnanimous and would give journalists “tokens of appreciation” such as airtime and lines during the yearly bashes where alcohol flowed freely.

The piece bemoaned the network congestion on Fridays, which would force the then CEO, Michael Joseph, to apologise to subscribers, who, he later discovered, just had peculiar calling habits.

So what was the story? I subtly asked him to cut down on the magnanimity and work on the network glitches — but at the same time told him to take back my free line because it was of no use to me due to the glitches.

The piece on Kenyan’s foreign policy, which was titled “Foreign Buffoonery”, was about a certain politician who would later to go to court over another piece I wrote.

In the piece on boxing, I narrated the indiscipline in the Kenyan boxers’ camp from the 1980s, seeing as it was that the lone representative to the 2004 Olympic Games had tested positive for a substance derived from miraa, the twig that is currently making many Kenyans have sleepless nights in all senses of the phrase.

Those three pieces give an idea that no subject or issue is beyond the scope of Claycourt and I have written about my sons, food, sports, fashion, gender-based violence, the media, the arts, road safety, tourism, travel, alcohol, wildlife, weaves, Nairobi girls.…

Well, you can say that nothing much has changed, and, similarly, my view of almost all, if not all, the issues I have written about has not changed much either.

It is safe to conclude that mine is all about splitting hairs because Kenyans are self-made people who pay too much obeisance to their makers, but readers have been very understanding and even when I swore my undying love for good shoes, independent women and vegetable salad, they did not find this column unpalatable but turned over a new culinary leaf.

My readers are awesome, to write the least, and not just for standing by me as it were, but for standing by their convictions and not failing to remind me that Toyota is a car, and not merely a means of transport that breaks down anywhere, anytime and is repaired anywhere, anytime, by anyone.

Before you conclude that I am taking you down the same historical path I did 11 weeks ago, be reminded that today’s piece is solely about this column.

How it was born in my mind is a story I have told numerous times, but suffice it to write that when I told my editors that I wanted to write a weekly satirical column, a social commentary aptly titled Claycourt, they gave me space, even though one of the very senior bosses had little faith — as he later felt guilty, I guess, and told me so himself.

The Friday magazine was being redesigned and renamed Weekend, and my editors did not ask for sample articles, but gave me a free hand and a page, and the pieces I penned were published with minimal changes.

It was all about “serving judgment on the issues of the day”, and I want to trust I will continue doing that since there is no dearth of issues or social ills of the day and night on which judgment should be served.
It has been a learning curve

As I wrote 11 weeks ago, it has been a learning curve, a wonderful experience because I now know how impervious Kenyans are to the truth, how easy it is for them to deny the obvious, and how hard it is for them to laugh at themselves — and their utter failure at understanding and appreciating satire.

Since I so love my readers, I honed my skills in choosing my words and phrases carefully, and that is why I regularly write non-satirical pieces. As a result, the number of complaints, some from even very senior professional colleagues, have dwindled.

There are many people at the Nation Media Group who made this column survive to this day, and just like in life, nothing can be endorsed by everyone, so I can safely write there are very few people who have grouses.

I feel you, people; but sorry, you are outnumbered! My editors and sub-editors, some of whom have left the company, have been very good, especially after they learned that I am very particular about my choice of words and names, and I dislike sub-editors who introduce gremlins in my copy while trying to prove how good they are.

I cannot thank enough all the people who directly or indirectly worked on Claycourt, nor can I name all those who have stood by me for the years the column has appeared in this publication.

Cream always rises to the top, though, and Frank Whalley, Lucy Oriang’, Betty “Betsy” Muriuki, Wambua Sammy, Wangethi Mwangi, Carol Odero, Enock Wambua, Macharia Gaitho, Tim Wanyonyi, Joe Mbuthia, Mary Wasike, Elly Wamari, Philip Ochieng’, Philip Mwaniki, John Muchiri, Caroline Njung’e, Sarah Bakata, Charles Onyango-Obbo, Ng’ang’a Mbugua, Kariuki Waihenya, Sekou Owino and Oduor Ouma deserve mention.

And, oh yeah, Mugumo Munene, for being the only person at NMG who assigned me a story and then failed to publish it!

Then there is the dynamic duo of Judy Ogecha and Bernard Mwinzi, the selfless editors who might be glad that this is the last week they will go to work on a Sunday to specifically work on Claycourt.

Of course, the group CEO Linus Gitahi and the editorial committee of the board deserve kudos, but my very special gratitude is reserved for Mutuma Mathiu, the group managing editor, a fine gentleman and wonderful human being who deserves a lot of respect.

Dear readers, this is the last issue of Claycourt in the Daily Nation. Cheers!

The Editor wishes Clay Muganda all the best as he leaves our happy little family. Thank you for the 10 years of jabbing wit and bruising waggery.