Every marriage needs a doctor

We have since learnt to call her to arbitrate during those phases when pride gets in the way and neither of us is willing to back down or see the other’s point of view. Interestingly, they too have their own marriage mentors, a couple they have known for years. And they don’t hide their symptoms from us. PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • Apparently, for ‘normal’ patients like you and I, doctors will first rule out the minor ailments, even when you show up in hospital crawling, before they think of the major ones. For their diagnosis though, a doctor will sprint to the third floor where the lab is because of a persistence sneeze, worried that it might be a symptom of a serious disease.
  • Being my best friend, and enjoying what I believe is a healthy marriage relationship, Betty is the first person I call when hubby gets my goat. I gripe about him to her for hours. Sometimes I wonder why I bother though, because she never sides with me! No matter how well I describe his sins of commission or omission, she always starts her response with;

“Do you ever read WifeSpeak? There’s a lot we can learn from it and apply in our marriage.” 

Right. That was my husband, trying to get a word from me. I was upset and not in the mood to speak to him. His question of course got me to respond.

“I am a surgeon. I operate on tumours,” I told him. “Tumours in marriage…,” I clarified when I saw the queer look he gave me.

 I asked my doctor friend the other day whether she diagnosis and treats herself.

“Sometimes, but mostly, we doctors imagine the worst when we fall sick - it’s true that doctors make the worst patients.” 

She laughed and went on to give me examples of times she has stayed awake, worried sick that she or her children or husband had a terminal illness, because of a symptom she had noticed.

Apparently, for ‘normal’ patients like you and I, doctors will first rule out the minor ailments, even when you show up in hospital crawling, before they think of the major ones. For their diagnosis though, a doctor will sprint to the third floor where the lab is because of a persistence sneeze, worried that it might be a symptom of a serious disease.

MARRIAGE MENTORS

Anyway, I tell hubby that I treat tumours in other people’s marriages, but like a doctor, I fear that the tumours in my marriage are malignant.

“My wife has not spoken to me in two weeks,” writes a distressed husband.

Pass the forceps!

“Create time for her…let her talk. Listen to her. Do not get defensive,” I write back.

“My husband is not affectionate…”

Scalpel please!

Here’s the thing; there is no perfect marriage. You could choose to put up a front until the marriage finally caves in, or seek a surgeon. Thankfully, hubby and I have our marriage surgeons.

Josh and Betty are far from a perfect couple, but as far as we are concerned, they are perfectly qualified to treat us.

Being my best friend, and enjoying what I believe is a healthy marriage relationship, Betty is the first person I call when hubby gets my goat. I gripe about him to her for hours. Sometimes I wonder why I bother though, because she never sides with me! No matter how well I describe his sins of commission or omission, she always starts her response with;

“Well, Karimi, I see why you are upset…but you know there are two sides to every story…”

We have since learnt to call her to arbitrate during those phases when pride gets in the way and neither of us is willing to back down or see the other’s point of view.

Interestingly, they too have their own marriage mentors, a couple they have known for years. And they don’t hide their symptoms from us.

The other day, as they dropped me home after a function we had attended together, I noticed that I was the only one talking.

“What’s with the silence between you two?” I finally asked.

There was a 10-second moment of very uncomfortable silence, before Betty said,

“I’m not in the mood to talk to your friend here, he has really upset me.”

SURGICAL OPERATION

“Actually, I am the one upset,” Josh said.

Betty snorted.

“Okay guys, after you drop me home, why don’t you go grab a cup of tea somewhere as you figure out who has pissed off whom?”

I recommended a place. I knew the beautiful grounds and the sounds of nature would set the right mood for a talk. You can never trust an arguing couple to keep it down, so that hotel with ample grounds was perfect.

Hours later, I got a call from Betty;

“We love the place!” 

“I take it that you and Josh are now talking,” I said, chuckling at her now cheerful voice.

“Of course. I think we needed the outdoors. Thanks for the dose!”

If you are having “issues” in your marriage, consider a surgical operation. You can thank me later!