WIFESPEAK: Forget the negatives, what do you admire about your spouse?

“Let’s review our marriage.” I told hubby in response to his question about what ideas I had conjured up to celebrate our wedding anniversary.

I would have preferred a surprise whisking away to some enchanted resort with a fireplace, somewhere in a forest, without the kids of course. But, well, after a couple of years of living with someone, a man for that matter, you kind of learn to manage your

expectations. I consider our anniversary a prelude to the festivities since it falls in December, but with a major celebration of Christmas only days away, we do not get to do much of a party.

“Okay, now what have I done?” he asked, after seeing my expression.

“I am sure I will have a list for you over dinner,” I replied.

So, amidst lots of protest, I managed to float my idea, something borrowed from a movie scene, of how we could celebrate our anniversary. It was pretty simple actually. Each of us was to come up with two lists; the positives (what’s working) and the negatives (what should be improved on).

It was especially good when drafting the positives, because while I had the negatives on my fingertips, I had to pause, and with deliberate effort, concentrate on only acknowledging the good things about him.

One by one, I listed them, surprised that I had never for example told him that I admire his hands on parenting.

DID IT WORK?

Did it work? Yes and no. Go on and try the exercise, you can thank me later.  For the sensitive souls, like yours truly, married to the straight spoken choleric spouses, be warned.

While you will feel all warm and sweet as he reads and expounds on your positive attributes, you might consider sipping on cold water as he lists, and expounds on your negatives.

It worked because it felt good to realise that he appreciates my efforts to make our home cosy and loving, never mind the burnt offerings, which I must say, with YouTube cookery classes, are becoming a thing of the past.

And no, to some extent, this exercise did not work because we ended up arguing. So much so that I was so miffed and for the next hour, I did not speak to him. The problem? On his list of my negatives, he had listed that I talk too much!

That sometimes he just wants to zone out and stare at a blank wall and not talk to anyone, least of all his wife, for at least an hour!

Oh, he went on to expound on this, how I call him ‘just to chat’ even in the middle of a busy day and how I should not bring up a discussion when we are getting into the mood for cloud nine bliss.

Hold it! Pray tell, which other time does a woman have a man’s undivided attention? He did not understand it when I warned him that there can never be those cloud nine moments in the first place if I had not been chatting to him in the course of the day.

While I like the manly stuff about him, you know, the beard and muscles, there are days I have wished this man could at least for an hour get a woman’s mind. He would then not need to be reminded that yes indeed, I am still the girl who loved to be dated

and flattered, and that the flowers do not have to appear only when I give birth to your child!