I love my girlfriend, but her mother is intrusive

Hello Philip,

I am 28 years old. I loved my girlfriend so much but our relationship didn't work, thanks to her mum, who meddled in our relationship. Since I loved her so much, moving on was very hard for me. At some point, I even begged her to give our relationship another chance but she refused. After I had healed from the break-up, she contacted me out of the blue and begged me for forgiveness, saying she never wanted to break up with me in the first place.

Being a gentleman, I took her back, only for her to go back to "My mum this, my mum that", after just one week. I told her that I can't bear it anymore and told her to go live with her mother. I love her, but her mother is a problem.

Hi there,

Unfortunately, in-laws are here to stay; therefore, you cannot run away from them. Worth noting is that a couple’s unity determines how they deal with intrusion by in-laws or control.

Concerning your dilemma, there are two key factors I would like to touch on. First, there is a need to establish if your love for your girlfriend is strong enough to motivate you to do all it takes to heal and mend your relationship with her and her mother.

In addition, does she love you enough to consider your concerns? She cannot say that she really loves you if she keeps allowing her mother to meddle in your relationship.

If indeed her mother is a negative influence on your union, she should be willing to have the two of you seek a solution together.

Also, for her to keep walking out of your life as though you have no feelings is inconsiderate.

COMMUNICATE

Second, is your relationship mature enough for both of you to engage in communication that will resolve the issues that have been the cause of your discord?

If you truly love your girlfriend and plan to get married, here are some practical ways you can nurture a relationship with her mother:
a) Ask your girlfriend to introduce her to you.

b) Understand the fears and concerns that make her mother wary of you.

c) Show her that you care about her daughter and her future.

d) Determine what you need to do to reassure her that your care about her daughter.

e) Treat her with respect in spite of how she treats you.

If your girlfriend is hesitant to introduce you to her mother, then her mother may not be the problem in your relationship.

Relationships work better when the couple sets their own standards and use them to govern how others relate to them.

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