I want a wedding, he wants us to cohabit

I am a 26-year-old woman trusting God to have started a family by the time I celebrate my 28th birthday. I am a born-again Christian who believes that a wedding should precede marriage. My boyfriend is born-again, too, but does not believe we need to have a wedding before we start living together. He says that we should focus on creating more time for each other to strengthen the bond between us. He even suggests that I should be proud of even spending the night at his house. We argue a lot, and I am distrustful of him.

Hi there,

It is encouraging that you have a plan and have set yourself goals that need clear focus to achieve.

As a Christian, you are trusting God for a family by the age of 28, and in addition, you desire to do a wedding to usher in your marriage.

These targets are great and achievable, but for your goals to be realised, you will need to do several things: first, seek to date a man with a similar vision or at least one willing to share your vision.

With this in mind, one would question the motives of the current man you are dating. He appears not to share your dream and his suggestions sound like trickery to me.

I also feel that it is necessary for you to find a married couple that can mentor you. There is a lot you can learn from those who have gone ahead of you.

If you don’t have someone to walk with you, the challenges you face could easily drain your relationship.

Having a mentor help you will also mature your relationship as you learn from the struggles they have overcome.

STAY INFORMED
It is also important to be wise. Wisdom comes through exposing yourself to information that can help you grow.

Your boyfriend, too, should be open to such learning, which you can do together. Topics such as conflict management, husband-wife roles, money and parenting can form a great foundation for you.

It is clear that you and your boyfriend are already having difficulty in reaching a consensus yet you are still at the dating stage.

Unfortunately, I can only see this escalating should you get married. Since you know what is right, you need to be clear about your priorities and values.

Should he agree to see it your way, he should be willing to get premarital training where couples are taught to be accountable, among other factors.

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