Kitoto, I am a born-again Christian and had not been in any relationship until I joined university, where I got into a relationship with one of my college mates who is neither from my tribe nor my church although she is from a sound protestant church. We have courted since September last year and we have had our ups and downs, especially as we try to keep a pure courtship.
All through I have been praying to God that His will be done as far as our relationship is concerned, but early this September, my girlfriend gave me some pretty bad news.
She told me that back in her early college days she had been in a relationship in which she conceived but aborted. Immediately, my mind raced back to a family member who aborted while I was in high school.
I think I am the only one who knew about it, not because I was told but because I heard the child’s cry in her bedroom. Nobody ever saw that child although I realised villagers knew about her pregnancy.
So when my girlfriend informed me about her past, I was shocked and pained beyond comprehension. For two weeks, I had one of the worst experiences. I was stressed and depressed and I actually lost weight as I could hardly eat.
But I kept on praying and I told her to wait, saying I would get back to her after two weeks of soul searching.
After speaking to a Christian friend, I decided to continue with the relationship, basing my argument on Christian values and the character of forgiveness and healing.
She has good values, I must say. She is calm, has a good heart, is respectful, has high self-esteem, and is prayerful. She is not too involved in the ministry but occasionally serves as an usher in church.
I got my first job recently and I am planning to marry in the next two to three years. She has no problem about us getting married around the same time too.
However, I still have a lingering fear. My prayer was to date and marry my first lover; and also never to break anyone’s heart. I don’t want to abandon her on the basis of her past as I believe God forgave her.
Although it pains me a lot, she seems unperturbed by what she did, saying she believes God forgave her and helped her get over it. We are together but I am feeling conflicted.
Please hide my identity. Regards.
Hello, abortion continues to be a contentious issue among many people. As much as I stand for abstinence, I am also a believer in the fact that God forgives those who come to him in repentance. Abortion comes with many consequences, some of which last for a long time.
As a Christian, it is good to know that your affirmation of this fact is key. However, you have to deal with your fears and anxieties about the issue. Many men, although having forgiven and resolving never to revisit the issue, find themselves haunted by it later in marriage.
I believe that your girl is free from what happened in her past, and my take is that, being a Christian, her previous abortion has no consequence to your future marriage so long as she has dealt with it the way you stated.
To ensure that your heart is at peace concerning any long-term effects — whether psychological or emotional, I encourage you to see a Christian counsellor where your fears can be handled.