Are you happy in your marriage or do you just tolerate each other?

Last month, hubby and I got an invite to attend a unique graduation ceremony. Actually, it was more like a passing out parade, because as these ‘soldiers’ pointed out, the six-week program was just the beginning.

The group was composed of 12 young couples between their mid-twenties and early thirties, what I refer to as the hyper digital generation and young in marriage, below five years in this union.

As one of the guest speakers, I had made notes of what I considered nuggets of wisdom. After all, I was much older in age and in marriage. I realised though, as the session progressed, that not only was I from the analogue generation, I was a dinosaur in my thinking.

This digital generation has decided that if there are no role models or systems in place to guide marriage and relationships today, then they will create their own operating system. Or is it called an APP nowadays?

Remember, this is the generation that came up with the likes of mobile money, Uber, Facebook, Twitter, eLearning, WebEx and still continues to revolutionise every facet of our world today. As you run around looking for a cyber to scan your documents, these smart thinkers are using digital signatures to sign contracts with local and international players.

These young couples are not buying into the thinking that marriage is a joyless, dying institution. They are not buying into the mpango wa kando culture or the overused, unconvincing advice of persevere and tolerate, the often recycled advice dished out to people in difficult marriages. These young couples have gone on and decided to write a different script for marriage.

SOLDIERS FOR MARRIAGE

There is a new generation of husbands and wives not keen on following the analogue system of how marriage has always been practiced. They are talking monogamy, partnership, love, laughter, conflict resolution, better communication and working, joyful marriages. And they have a system for it. There is no stopping them. Some have come from broken homes, have witnessed the impact of unhealthy relationships and are determined to invent a better reality for their unions.

“This marriage is not just about me. It is about leaving a legacy,” said a young husband, expounding on the take home he had glimpsed from the marriage enrichment sessions.

“I have the opportunity to break the cycle of broken families inherited from my family,” said another.

“Go on, be the salt of the world. So many people have the wrong idea about marriage, they are suffering in there and infecting others with their unhappiness,” I echoed the words of the previous guest speaker.

I truly had learned more in there than I cared to admit.

While the 12 couples will still occasionally recoup, each couple was now equipped to ‘parent’ a new set of other 12 couples, more like a general with a regiment of young soldiers to train.

How I wish we had that kind of start to our marriage. Other than the mandatory premarital classes organised by the church, whose lessons we forgot immediately after the honeymoon, who really bothers to enrich their marriage relationship through a structured system? How could I have known that more than half the time we fight because we each have baggage from our childhood?

On our back home, I told hubby;

“If this is how the new generation is handling marriage, I am happy for our children. They stand a better chance of enjoying their marriages, not just tolerating their spouses.”

He chuckled;

“So you tolerate me?”