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Will my boyfriend ever marry me?

Monday February 3 2020


I also suggest that you refrain from engaging in sexual intercourse with him and concentrate on securing a good future for your child. PHOTO | FILE | NATION MEDIA GROUP 

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Dear Kitoto,

I’m a 27-year-old and I’ve been in a relationship for the last four years. My boyfriend and I were happy until I conceived in February last year. The pregnancy was unplanned. When I broke the news to him, he told me to get an abortion, but I refused. He informed me that he had no intention of marrying me, but after pleading with him to change his mind, he promised to think about it.

We do not live together although we occasionally get sexually intimate. Although I don’t mind waiting as long as he wants, I’m afraid I might be waiting in vain. I also sense that he has moved on, though I still love him so much and would like this relationship to work.

Hi there,

There are many reasons a man or woman will desire to get into a relationship. Such reasons may include a desire for companionship though others will get into a relationship due to peer pressure.

Since we don’t go to school to learn about relationships, our entry into them may be influenced by what we see other people do and say about relationships.


Although many feel they’re ready for a relationship and are keen to find someone that meets their standards, managing the relationship poses challenges for many.

Arrival at a place where we’re good managers of our relationships requires a mature approach.

You have to realise that the reasons that drive us into any relationship will prevail on the kind of decisions we make as we face those decisive moments in the relationship.

It is therefore important for you to determine why you got together. It’s clear, though, that you and your boyfriend are on different paths. It’s unfair for him to behave like an observer.

Both of you are parents, whether he likes it or not, and therefore, you both have a responsibility towards your child.

That said, it is clear he wants out of the relationship, yet you are still running after him, even though you admit he has moved on. You are setting up yourself for more hurt.

I’m of the opinion that he got into this relationship for selfish reasons. My prayer is that you wake up to this fact and make a choice to put your life in order.

I really don’t think there is anything left in this relationship that is worth waiting for. Should he make up his mind and marry you, chances of him walking away later are high.


Also, note that a controlling or manipulative approach to get him to marry you will blow up in your face. Yes, you have a child together, but don’t use this to trap him.

I also suggest that you refrain from engaging in sexual intercourse with him and concentrate on securing a good future for your child. You should have him left long ago.

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