KITOTO : A girl I met on Facebook tricked me into pregnancy - Daily Nation
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KITOTO : A girl I met on Facebook tricked me into pregnancy

Monday July 23 2018

I believe that handling of one’s sexuality is a responsibility that should never be ignored. Otherwise, the consequences are dire.

I believe that handling of one’s sexuality is a responsibility that should never be ignored. Otherwise, the consequences are dire. PHOTO| FOTOSEARCH 

By PHILIP KITOTO
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Hi,

I met a girl on Facebook in 2016. We chatted and even exchanged phone numbers. Soon after, we started dating, although we had not met in person.

But one year down the line, the long-distance relationship could not work, and so we broke up. However, the lady went ahead to befriend my sister on Facebook. She even started keeping in touch with her.

Last year in December, I went back home for my vacation. One day during my sister’s party, the lady was around and that’s when I met her for the first time. At night, she sneaked into my room, and the rest is history.

She requested that we don’t use protection. Two weeks later, she called me and said she was pregnant. I am completely devastated and in shock because I had planned to marry the woman I love. Please help.

Hi
Every man has a right to marry and be intimate with the woman of their dreams.

It is rather odd that within a day of meeting a woman you have never met before, she can have the courage to sneak into your room without your permission and demand that you get intimate.
To crown it all, she demands engage in sexual intercourse without protection. Really? It almost sounds like a fiction movie.

This seems to be the common trend in many relationships today. I am of the opinion that since every action has consequences, you will need to think about the consequences of your action.

I believe that handling of one’s sexuality is a responsibility that should never be ignored. Otherwise, the consequences are dire. Many have ended up with broken homes, relationships or even with health challenges.

I suggest that you first take responsibility for the pregnancy and determine what will happen. You cannot simply run away from it.

Second, you need to inform the other girl that you have fathered a child with the lady you met online.

Her perspective will be important but it should not side-track you from your key responsibility of thinking about the future of this unborn child.

Whether you were trapped into this or not, it is important to realise that lack of self control has consequences. I trust and believe that you will consider the facts and act responsibly.

Am afraid that painful intercourse may affect our relationship

Dear Kitoto,

I am your big fan, and I believe the advice you give helps many people when it comes to relationships.

I met my girlfriend a year ago and we are in love. She is very beautiful, and she has all the qualities a man would look for in a woman. However, she always has painful intercourse.

I am afraid that this will have a profound effect on our relationship. I love her so much and I can't imagine leaving her. How do we go about it? Please help!

Hi
Thanks for the compliments. We are here to make relationships worth being a part of.

Great and thriving relationships are key to the future of not only the individuals involved but also a whole community.

A learning culture must therefore be embraced by all those seeking to be part of meaningful relationships. This will include incorporating a discipline that supports such a learning culture.

I realise that both of you are unmarried, but you are already behaving like married people. I am of a culture that believes that great sexuality is within family, where spouses are uninhibited in their actions.

There’s need to embrace certain values like love that is patient and persevering. Many relationships today are about fulfilling self at the expense of pouring out one’s love to a partner.

Such values and disciplines of patience and perseverance work better in a stable union as opposed to a relationship that is temporal.

Sex is meant to be pure and unadulterated by other concerns. Therefore, since sex is beyond a simple act of penetration, one’s emotional state, concerns, mindset, values among others play a major part on how it works out.

Because sex is wholesome, sexual compatibility and fulfilment cannot work in isolation without the other factors that I have mentioned.

The realisation of this helps grow a healthy relationship.

I come from a dysfunctional home and the frustration is making me suicidal

Hi Kitoto,

I finished school recently and failed to attain marks to get me to university. I want to repeat Form Four, but nobody supports the idea because I come from a dysfunctional family.

My mother complains a lot about my dad. Dad has anger issues, and inflated ego. Communication in my family is difficult. With time, I have found ways of passing time. I love pornography and I masturbate a lot. I get angry quickly and I have thought of committing suicide several times. I believe you can help me.

Hi
First, don’t look at the results as something that should define you. There are many people who failed or did not perform well in exams, but they have ended up becoming successful in life because of focus and determination.

I believe repeating is not bad. However, if your parents refuse to help you, talk to an aunt or uncle. Don’t let your fears of a dysfunctional family background make you give up.

The way your dad relates to your mum is a choice he makes that may affect you emotionally.

However, you have very little you can do to change your father’s choices. It is therefore important to be hopeful and look for ways to reward your mother seeing that she has worked very hard for you.

Giving in to suicide is not only defeatist but also a sign of giving in to fear.

The issues you face are real but you have the ability to pass the test. Already, you have overcome the first test of fear and decided to seek help. Therefore, move forward by identifying things you can do to occupy the idle time you have.

For instance, you can look for a course or a small business to do. Don’t forget that an idle mind is a devil’s workshop.

Remember that you are created for a purpose. It is only you who can make that purpose to be realised.

Watching pornography and masturbation is one way you are trying to cope with the feelings and pressure you are going through. But the problem with masturbation is that it can move from being a pass time to becoming addictive.

There are many dangers of masturbation. They include:

1) Tendency to isolate one psychologically and socially.

2)It has potential to cause emotional deprivation, meaning that one may find it hard to experience the full extent of the emotions involved in real sex.

3) It may lessen sensibility, and hence detract one from having normal sexual relations the way God intended it to be.

Equally, watching pornography is unhealthy. Therefore, choose life. You can make a difference. Don't give up hope

Does it matter where you met?

How people meet does not matter that much. I have heard stories from those who met in matatus, weddings, funerals, or even at the workplace. So, really, where people met for the first time has no consequence in as far as the health, longevity, and chemistry of the marriage are concerned.

So, what matters for any growing relationship? First, the level of disclosure. Secrets and ambiguities lead to mistrust that will eventually kill a relationship. Disclosure communicates openness, security, and faithfulness to either partner. Of course this might make you feel vulnerable, but one of the keys to a great marriage is trust.

Second, relationships that experience unity in purpose are built on mutual agreement. Such agreement must cover many areas that affect the two, including personal and corporate vision, finances, and parenting. When common ground is not reached in such issues, a difficult time could hang over the relationship.