JUST BRENDA: I just want flings but men want more

Dear Brenda,

I'm recently single and trying to have a good time before I eventually settle down. I'm dating a few guys, and I'm always honest with them that I don't want anything serious, but two in particular claim they're in love.

I'm too jaded to believe them but either way I'm not even ready for a relationship, because my breakup was a bit rough.

Should I stop seeing them?

Am I somehow leading them on, even if I'd been categorical about what I want and do not want?

Hmmm. Dear Girl with the Broken Heart.

I’m a staunch believer in the fickleness of love. And it is fickle, isn’t it?

Warning: I’m not going to be objective because of that.

Anyway, I value kindness, respect, friendship, laughter or humour, gentleness and acceptance above everything else.

And one question: Why do we, as women, burden ourselves so much with how a man could or might feel? Isn’t that his responsibility?

On to what I think you have done extremely well: You have told them your truth.

You've virtually spoon-fed them on what to expect from you. You laid your cards on the table and they have to meet you there.

Otherwise, cut them loose. And no, you are not cutting them loose because there is a string involved.

You are doing so because you are not in a place to meet their emotional needs at the moment. If they come back, they need to know where you stand.

And may I just repeat that love is fickle.

Today you have it, tomorrow it is a wilting flower, the next day it’s a honeymoon, another time it’s like a day spent at Nyayo House waiting for a passport. And you know what that's like.

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